“This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,” declares the LORD. “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
-Jeremiah 31:33, NIV
If your spouse lacks an internal moral compass, then watch out!
We were never meant to set boundaries and rules for another adult in our lives. They are supposed to know right from wrong as a mature adult. No one wants to essentially function as the parent to one’s partner.
-A spouse ought not have to tell their partner removing their wedding ring and going out to bars is not right.
-A spouse ought not have to tell their partner that going on coffee dates with someone met while out dancing with the girls is not right.
-A spouse ought not to have to tell their partner that exchanging hundreds of text messages with a strange woman unknown to one’s spouse is not right.
…I think you get the picture.
If you are constantly asked to give the “letter of the law” for a spouse, then do not be surprise when that same spouse rebels. They have not matured to owning their own moral commitments, in my opinion.
This is a set up to be the “parent” against whom this spouse never rebelled.
And as the verse from Jeremiah suggests, I wonder about their salvation when they do not seem to have God’s law written on their own heart.
Certainly, they are still “at war” with God if they choose to violate His Law and commit adultery.
I have wondered myself if my ex has “mommy issues” and I was set-up like you said, to be the parent he never rebelled against. My exes mommy told him all his life and up until the last Thanksgiving we spent together (he was 45 yrs old at the time), that he was “perfect and special.” And my ex does believe he’s perfect and special like his mommy told him. My ex never went against his mommy and never stood up to her when she would manipulate and try to control things in order to get what she wanted. My ex learned all his lying, charming, fake and manipulative ways from his mommy. And I’m only calling her his mommy, because she still called him by the baby nicknames that she used when he was a child.
And I have wondered for well over three years if my ex is truly a Christian. He doesn’t seem to have God’s laws written on his heart like you said. From what I understand, the Holy Spirit lives in us and convicts us of our sin. My ex does not seem to have any conviction at all. Like 0% shame or remorse. When we still lived together, it was shocking to me to see him go to church each week like he was doing nothing wrong. And go off to lead the Royal Rangers like he was doing nothing wrong. And all the lies he told to family, friends and co-workers — no shame and did all that without a care in the world.
The Bible says that God disciplines his children. I have yet to see any discipline at all for all his 24 years of lying and cheating. If he wasn’t a Christian, it sure would answer a lot of questions that I have as to how he can so easily do all the evil things he’s done to me.
I go to school with a lot of people who are not Christians and they talk about all the bad stuff that they do, but to them it’s not bad. There’s nothing inside of them that makes them feel bad about what they are doing or saying. My ex is the same way.
This whole subject of whether someone is a Christian or not is very troubling to me, because I really thought my ex was. I was totally fooled by him. I was also fooled by my lying ex-pastor into believing he actually cared about ME and about women. He didn’t and he doesn’t. I have wondered, who else fooled me? But Jesus made it clear in the NT that there are wolves in sheep clothing in the church.
Hi Martha,
Whatever your ex-husband and ex-pastor have done (or neglected to honorably do) unto you… they have done the same unto the King, Lord Jesus. Jesus Himself says so.
“Inasmuch as ye have done it [or did it not] unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:31-45
I personally believe that this scripture is a holy principle that can be applied to any kind of honorable action or compassionate care. If your husband, who claimed to be a Christian, promised to love, cherish and be faithful to you, he certainly was required by God to give you that kind of care. If he didn’t give you that, he was rejecting and dissing the Lord Jesus right along with you. When you are treated to a pattern of lies (withholding truth) and adultery (withholding fidelity), Jesus is being treated the same. And He is very clear on what He will do with people like that.
DM’s post and Martha your comment were very inspiring this morning. That’s what I should have said first. Real Christians should not have to be told (over and over) what compassionate, honorable behavior is. And if they don’t get it (Matt 25:44), then Jesus pretty much illustrates that they are not really believers.
Scripture
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was…” Matt 25:41,42a
(A personal viewpoint)
I was hungry for love and you gave me nothing but scorn,
I was thirsty for honesty and you gave me nothing but lies,
I was a stranger because you spent all your time with pornography and other women,
I needed clothes and you did not clothe me because you spent our money on vices,
I was sick and in a prison of unhappiness and you did not look after me.
Scripture
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’” Matt 25:44-45 NIV
DM’s post and Martha’s comment were very inspiring to me today. Real Christians should not have to be told (over and over) what honorable, compassionate behavior is. If they don’t get it (Matt 25:44) then Jesus illustrates that they are not truly believers.
Scripture
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was…” Matt 25:41,42a
– – –
(A personal viewpoint)
I was hungry for love and you gave me nothing but scorn,
I was thirsty for honesty and you gave me nothing but lies,
I was a stranger because you turned to pornography and adulterous affairs,
I needed clothes and you did not clothe me because you spent our money on vices,
I was sick and in a prison of unhappiness and you did not look after me.
– – –
Scripture
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’” Matt 25:44-45 NIV