Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
-Genesis 2:24, KJV
Marrying someone is a choice.
At least, it is a choice in the modern Western world where having the freedom to choose is a major legal basis of regarding the marriage as valid. No one is holding a gun to your head while getting married validly.
And this is a relatively easy choice on the wedding day. People are cheering you on and your love for your spouse is in full bloom. It may be the easiest “I do” you will ever speak or choose in your entire marriage.
It is spoken before the realities of married life come home:
–Such a vow is spoken before the pressures of finances and the stress of work life are present like a constant drum in the relationship.
–Such a vow is spoken before the need to accomplish household chores inspire a semi-regular conversation about who is doing his or her “fair share.”
–Such a vow is made before the happily married weight gain occurs and the years transforms one’s once youthful spouse.
And all of that isn’t even taking into account all the stresses that come with bringing children into the mix. Needless to say, the choice of saying “I do” and vowing lifelong fidelity on the wedding day is comparatively easy.
But it was and is still your choice!
Will you continue to choose to say “I do” to forsaking all others when a more attractive option presents himself or herself?
Will you choose “I do” when an attractive woman signals sexual attention?
Will you choose “I do” when a coworker “notices” you and gives you his undivided attention?
Because opportunities will arise for you to choose and say “I won’t” (forsake all others).
You choosing to say, “I won’t” really has nothing to do with how much weight your spouse has gained or how poor a listener he is. Rather, this is about your integrity or lack thereof. It is about you choosing to break your solemn vow to your spouse and God.
Choosing to say, “I won’t” (forsake all others) tells the world that you only make easy promises and lack the moral fortitude to follow through when keeping such promises becomes more difficult.
Saying “I do” to your spouse on the wedding day is a choice. Maybe the easiest one.
Remember:
It is your choice each time you stare down temptation and choose to say “I do” again to him or her.
Similarly, it is your choice each time you choose to give into temptation and say by action, “I won’t.”
Circumstances do not make such choices; you do.
Choose wisely.
As I reflect back on my marriage and my divorce from a man who cheated on me, I don’t know if he was ever serious about upholding his wedding vows. I think he married me so that he would have a home to live in and someone to share the expenses with. I think he also wanted to have a public image of a faithful married man. I believe that his marriage to me was a cover to hide a second life of serial cheating. There was not only the betrayal of sex with other women, there was also the betrayal of the life I really wanted, which was to have a husband who loved only me and who was committed for life sexually to only me.
I hear you Singleagain. My ex-husband had multiple affairs during the marriage. The last time I confronted him, he said all sorts of hurtful things. I jumped through hoop after hoop trying to keep him. I was told over and over by him and my ex-mother-in-law that he wouldn’t have had to do this if I… You know what, he is now remarried and is in an open marriage to someone who is perfect for him. Apparently, he just isn’t in to sexual fidelity. He just likes the cover of marriage. I’m sorry I believed for so long that something was wrong with me. There was nothing I could do to keep him faithful. Faithful spouses: There was likely NOTHING you could do to keep an unfaithful spouse faithful. Your cheating spouse or ex-spouse may not have appreciated you, but you still have a lot to give the world and a spouse.
I like this perspective about choosing “I do” over and over in your marriage.