Pro-Tip:
When the cheater is more concerned about how you found out than the damaged they did to you, then you know they are not remorseful.
This is the behavior of someone who is looking for the source of the leaked information. People ask such questions to continue their behavior. They are looking to plug the leak; not change their behavior.
You see, the behavior in their minds isn’t the problem. You knowing is!
This is not the material of a repentant cheater. It would be highly unwise to reconcile and work to restore the marriage with such an individual. They are giving you clear signals that they intend to take their cheating underground.
Ultimately, a cheater needs to understand:
Their cheating is the problem; not, how you learned this!
