Why bother working on a marriage where one party is treating cheating as a secondary issue?
Your cheater (and anyone supporting them) is telling you how little they value your well-being when they treat the affair(s) as secondary or derivative issues to the marriage. They are deprioritizing your healing.
You cannot “fix” this.
The Bible teaches us that we have the option to divorce a cheater without shame (see Mt 19:9). Our marriage was destroyed by the cheating. That is THE sin issue when it comes to a marriage ending.
Anyone who is unwilling to face that is going to waste your time and likely lead you into further heartache. They are not serious about repenting and helping you heal.
Thank you so much! This feels spot on to what I experienced with my ex. Not that he ever did or will ever admit being in an affair with my former friend, but he tried to tell me that him messaging her was not one of the problems in our marriage.