“You gotta ask yourself, ‘Why did she HAVE TO leave you?'”

– Cheater Apologist

This is a loaded question. 

The person stating this is engaging in a reasoning fallacy and attempting to trap you in a less than favorable light. If you even attempt to answer the question, you will lose. No good way to answer this question exist.

It is like the classic loaded question: “When will you stop beating your wife?”

By engaging the question and answering it, you are agreeing to its false premise–namely, that you beat your wife. Here you would be agreeing to the false assumption she “had to” leave. The question is “loaded” with the false assumption.

Another problem with the question: “Why did she have to leave you?” is that it encourages us to mind-read.

The decision was made by another. Their state of mind is not available to another human–including their spouse!

If one is genuinely interested in the reasoning behind that decision, they ought to ask the one making said decision. This exposes the real motives behind the asker–namely, they are engaging in image management for the cheating abandoner.

Another reason I object to this line of questioning is how it strikes me as abusive. It is like an abuser asking his victim:

“Now tell me: Why did I have to hit you?“

Such questioning is cruel. It is salting the fresh wound of abandonment and rejection.

Don’t engage the question.

“You gotta ask yourself, ‘Why did she HAVE TO leave you?'” says Cheater Apologist.

Response: “I don’t read minds, and I reject the assumption that she ‘had to’ leave me. What YOU gotta ask yourself is why you are partnering with her in sinning against me and God by breaking her marriage vows!”

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*A version of this post ran previously.