For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body.

-2 Corinthians 5:10, NLT

“Why did you choose to sin?”

This is the question for the cheater. Until they understand the answer to this, they cannot repent. The cheater needs to own their sin and then see they should (and could) have chosen otherwise.

Also, asking this question gives the pastor opportunity to flush out unbiblical thinking:

“She is so frigid,” says the cheater.

“Does God permit us to sin if our spouse is ‘frigid?’ Can you tell me where in the Bible it says that?” says the pastor.

“He is emotionally distant to me,” says the cheater.

“Does God give us a pass to sin if our spouse is ’emotionally distant?’ Where does God say that in the Bible?” says the pastor.

The cheater has given their heart to a lie or two. It is no good supporting that lie by suggesting something or someone outside of them is responsible for their sin.

They need to confront the reality that they own their sin. This is merciful. A person who sees their power to choose poorly also can see how to choose better in the future–i.e. repent.