Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
-2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV
Cheating combined with spiritual abuse is a toxic and confusing combination.
Sadly, this combination is a very common combination in the church world. Faithful spouses are left with their heads spinning regarding both the trauma from the cheater as well as the additional trauma of condemning church leaders towards them.
Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously is a pastoral voice to help faithful spouses navigate these tricky waters.
I wrote a book precisely to help faithful spouses to keep their faith while weathering the abuse of adultery situations and divorce. This is a voice I would have appreciated during my own journey navigating adultery discovery and divorce in a church environment.
Now, I often have people level all sorts of discouragement about this blog:
“Oh, you are working through your issues on the blog. How therapeutic!”
No, you misunderstand the point of this blog. This is primarily for the benefit of others where I share my expertise as a trained and credentialed Chaplain on the subject matter of marital infidelity and divorce.
If I wanted to focus on therapeutic healing, a blog would not be the avenue I would use. Plus, reading the blog, you ought to get the idea as it is pastoral teaching, not therapy.
“Aren’t you worried about being bitter? Why not just move on and close the door to the past?”
If you actually knew me, you would realize how off the mark this charge is. I live a very vibrant, happy, and full life. Most people have no idea I run this ministry on the side (unless I tell them).
Also, I have not closed “the door to the past” because I am convinced God allowed me to have these experiences to be able to help others in similar struggles as it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. To “close the door to the past” and never mention it again would be disobedient to God and His specific call on my life.
“Aren’t you afraid dwelling on your past marriage will negatively impact your current marriage?”
Does learning from the past make us better or worse for our present relationships? Most rational people would say the former. The same thing goes here.
Yes, there is a balance to be struck like everything in life. I will occasionally shut down my posting if my wife needs my attention and support. My family is my priority.
That said, Mrs. DM has posted on this blog in the past. I do this with her blessing.
I continue to read comments and hear stories how God is still using this blog.
This voice is clearly still needed. Plus, I am remain convinced God has continued to call me specifically to be that voice for His Bride calling her to holiness and binding up the broken-hearted.
This website has been a lifeline to many ! Keep up the good work 🙂
I too have been helped immensely by your blog. You opened my eyes to the reality that adultery is abuse, at a time when I wasnt sure about staying with my cheater STBX.
I remember on D-day I said to my STBX that we can try to work it out, but I felt a prompting of the Holy Spirit who said “if you stay with him you are sinning against me.” A couple of days later I stumbled on your blog and it confirmed to me that staying with a Cheater is being complicit and enabling his sin. I had to impose consequences. So your blog confirmed what I had already been feeling the Holy Spirit telling me.
I find your blog awesome DM,
Really has helped me
So much, I’m so greatful that in my darkest hour I had your site to give great counsel( God definitely uses your past to help others( and MRS DM) allowing you to do your calling is such a blessing.