“Even if she cheated on me, I would still stay with her and try to make the marriage work,” says faithful spouse.
“You’d just hold that over her head forever,” replies cheater apologist.
When this is the mentality or response from the cheater side, you know the marriage is done.
This sort of response exposes a heart where adultery or other infidelity is considered a minor issue. These people do not take adultery seriously. If they did, the offer to forgive would be received with gratitude and not contempt as it is here.
It is all about power for people like this.
They view adultery and infidelity through the lens of fights where it can be employed as a trump card to tip the scales. This is sick.
A person who views marriage this way is not a person who understands relationships as Christians ought to. They have no concept of forgiveness as they live in a world of power plays and unforgiveness.
Run and do not walk away from people like this!
Yes, it hurts leaving a cheater behind with the marriage you thought you had. However, sometimes you are better off cutting your losses and starting anew with someone who actually holds to a godly perspective on marriage and relationships.
____
*A version of this post ran previously.
This is so true. My ex and the pastor of the church we went to said the same things. The pastor told me to never speak of it again, just let it go. They both plotted against me as unbeknownst to me the pastor was all for the two adulterers and eventually married them two weeks to the day after our divorce.
The marriage and I never stood a chance from the very beginning.
Thank you DM for your blog, it has helped me so much!
I heard these exact words from my cheating ex wife.
“I wanted to come back, but I knew you would never let it go and hold it over my head forever.”
So I was preemptively condemned for something in the future I never got a chance to do. Like DM said, the marriage was over.