Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
– Isaiah 5:20, KJV
Private Definitions of Cheaters
I can remember my undergraduate philosophy professor telling us on multiple occasions how to deal with difficult argument situations. I can still hear his voice saying,
“If you find yourself in a corner, either change the subject or draw a distinction. Usually, it is too embarrassing to change the subject.”
Cheaters are the embodiment of people who live by doing the later–namely, drawing artless “distinctions.”
The distinctions cheaters draw are often false distinctions–i.e. ones that do not actually change the meaning of the word. The distinctions are just “justifications” they use to deceive themselves into excusing to themselves the inexcusable.
In fact, such distinction drawing moves them to a place where they are out of touch with reality clinging to words unattached to their actual definitions or meanings. The saddest part of this is how the cheater sincerely believes these nonsense definitions with their ludicrous distinctions.
For example:
“Adultery”–
“It’s not adultery if we were living in separate places at the time,” says the Cheater.
Wrong!
Adultery is about the marital state of the person having sex with a non-spouse. Location is irrelevant.
“Cheating”
“It’s not cheating if I didn’t have sex with her,” says the Cheater.
Wrong!
We call non-sexual infidelity emotional affairs. They are certainly examples of devastating cheating. Sex is not the only way to cheat on one’s spouse.
“I don’t understand why you are insisting I stop seeing her. You’re so controlling! She’s just a friend,” says the Cheater.
Wrong!
“Friend” is not the proper label for a relationship that has become inappropriate emotionally and/or physically. The correct label is “lover” or “affair partner.” Healthy spouses have friends, and unhealthy, abusive spouses have “affair partners.”**
Satan is subtle sometimes. He twists the definition of words ever so slightly as to help the sinner take the bait along with the hook. It is a wise faithful spouse who keeps a clear head. Do not buy the demonic distinction.
Adultery is adultery.
Cheating is cheating.
Lovers are lovers.
The rest is just deceptive noise.
_____________
*A version of this post ran previously.
**A true friend does not harm another friend, which an adulterous person always does by violating the marriage as they are violating the oneness of that union. (Finally, it is not controlling to demand an end to such a relationship in a marriage. It is called setting proper boundaries by eliminating temptation as well as a threat to the marriage’s viability.)
