4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
…
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.-Matthew 5:4,7, NIV
Experience is not a fail-safe teacher.
After all, you have to be paying attention to learn.
That said, I have noticed people who have gone through truly existentially threatening crises often walk with more kindness, humility, and mercy towards others than those spared such trials.
They were paying attention.
Having experienced being married to a cheating spouse as well as having experienced a subsequent divorce in community with evangelical Christian leaders, I am aware of the messages that are vital to survival.
I know because I needed those messages of mercy myself in my dark days. And I am thankful for those kind souls who supported me and helped me believe the truth when the destructive lies were all around me.
Message #1-
You are never responsible for another person’s sin (e.g. 2 Corinthians 5:10). And you are especially not responsible–even partially–for your spouse sinning against you via cheating.
Message #2-
God does not think less of you for being or choosing divorce in light of your (ex) spouse’s infidelity (e.g. Jeremiah 3:8, Matthew 19:9, etc). You are not loved or valued less than the never-divorced Christian sitting next to you in church.
Message #3-
Your cheating (ex) spouse may never agree with you, but you do not have to agree with him or her about your life and marriage story. It is your story, and God is not fooled even by the most practiced of liars. Justice is inescapable for God is Just.
So many more messages I could share and do here on this blog going on its third year of daily posts and existence. But these three I consider especially important.
I can summarize them thus:
1. It’s NOT your fault!
2. You are loved and valued by God independent of your marital status.
3. You are no way obligated to believe worth and soul-destroying lies about you regardless of the source.
Brothers and sisters, you are not alone in this journey. Many kind souls have walked these dark paths. I know I personally benefited from their mercy and gentleness directed to me.
This is blog is my way of paying such kindness forward as well as testifying to my God’s goodness and love.
I am just one of a mighty throng who have discovered our Shepherd never really leaves or forsakes us.
He is the ultimate merciful, kind, humble, and gentle guide in such a dark journey. And Jesus knows immense suffering; so, he knows our needs all that much better.
A great post. Everything you said. Especially this:
“You are no way obligated to believe worth and soul-destroying lies about you regardless of the source.”
Adulterers and abusers who break their vows (to love, honor, cherish, forsaking all others etc.) are all self-serving LIARS.
Why do they get to redefine (smear) the character and personhood of the loving, faithful person they abuse and betray?
Adulterers and abusers degrade the worth of their spouse (and sometimes children) to their face, and also spread degrading lies about them to others. It’s like a physical attack…only instead of body scars it leaves permanent emotional and social injuries.
Hugs! I still remember the harsh words my ex said to me when I was begging him to try counseling after I discovered yet another affair. I still see the room I was in when he said those words. I may never forget that trauma, but I’m choosing to believe there is more to me than the lies spouted off by someone who was serving the devil. I hope someday he will choose to serve God instead.