So, I am watching a TV series that is a dramatization of Seal Team Six. It is called, “SIX.”
The leader of this Seal team is a character nicknamed, “Bear.” He and his wife, Lena, are going through a difficult time. They lost a daughter and were struggling to get pregnant again.
In the second season, Lena is separated from Bear living with her sister and tells him that she thinks they should maybe see other people. Her excuse was that they were together since they were sixteen.
At this point, I wanted to yell at Bear to set a boundary with his wife–married people do NOT go dating other people! He is being used by her.
Making matters worse, the writers depict Lena as an uber-Christian and Bear as the one with a faith crisis. He is painted as controlling when really he is the one expecting what ought to be commonsense–namely, dating other men is a non-option for his spouse!
I am not saying Bear is a perfect person and is free of his own issues. Lena is a sympathetic character with all she has endured. However, none of that excuses cheating.
If Lena wants to “see other people” and thereby behave like a single woman, she needs to grow up and get divorced first owning the adult consequences of her choices.
She levels this “suggestion” while also goading Bear to try and “win” her back to herself. As someone who experienced a version of this sort of behavior from my cheater, it was angering to watch.
As we all know, when a spouse talks about “seeing other people” or having an “open marriage,” that usually just means the spouse is already seeing other people and behaving as if it is an open marriage.
They hope the faithful spouse will behave like them or agree to this madness in an effort to alleviate their guilt over sinning. Such people need a dose of cold, hard truth:
“‘Seeing other people’ is a violation of our marriage vows. We vowed to each other and God to ‘forsake all others.’ God promises to judge all who violate such vows.
So, I will not be joining you in your sin. If you persist, I will be forced to divorce you, and I may someday later marry someone else who actually keeps her vows before God.”
I am pretty sure the show will continue to portray Bear as controlling and clueless as he tries to “win” back his wife. However, if he was my friend, I would exhort him to call out his wife and keep his dignity.
Do not grovel for marital fidelity!
It is time to walk away from the marriage if your partner expects such groveling from you. Your values are not compatible.
