Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but…

…those issues NEVER excuse cheating!

I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating.

Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin.

That said, those skeletons need addressing and traumas need healing for a marriage to be resurrected following infidelity.

The cheater needs to face those “demons.”

Cheating may have been a way for him or her to “escape.” They need to learn how to deal with the matter as opposed to “escape” it with destructive, sinful behavior.

So, yes, I do believe working on FOO issues may be necessary. However, the cheater is not entitled to the faithful spouse sticking around for that work (see Mt 19:9).

The faithful spouse has permission to cut their loses after one instance of adultery as I read the Bible.

If the faithful spouse mercifully and graciously stays around for the rebuild, the cheater must deal with their FOO past. This needs to be done not as an excuse but as a productive way to deal with issues inside as we know cheating is an inside job (namely, the cheater’s sin-filled heart).

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.