“You cannot change your spouse,” says the pastor.
This is generally accepted marriage wisdom. It is the idea that we do not have the power to make our spouse into someone else.
It is a caution against marrying someone with “potential.”
This is also important wisdom to keep in mind with cheaters. We cannot change them. They are who they are. Cheaters are cheaters.
The power to be someone different is solely in their hands, not ours.
I find it interesting that pastors and Christians use this advice to tell faithful spouses to work on themselves. They often fail to extend it to the logical conclusion that the cheater is responsible fully for himself/herself, too.
Yet that is the logical conclusion.
It is wisdom.
This wisdom warns us from assuming responsibility for something that is beyond our control–namely, changing a cheater into someone of character against their will.
