But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.

-Matthew 5:32, NLT

Faithful spouse, you are free to choose divorce over staying in an abusive marriage with a cheater.

This is what I see from Scripture (see Mt 19:9 and I Corinthians 7:15). Jesus would not give us permission to sin; so, I do not see any issue with divorcing a spouse over sexual immorality as Jesus permits (see Mt. 5:32 and 19:9).

The decision to exercise this freedom to divorce lies with you, faithful spouse; not your pastor!

Some churches might suggest otherwise. However, you are the one who has to live with the direct consequences either way. You have the power to decide whether or not you need this mercy or not.

While I, certainly, believe in obtaining good counsel before making a major decision like to divorce, I want to warn you that many pastors see their mission is to “save” marriages as oppose to the more godly goal of protecting the souls of the abused.

One of the more difficult things of experiencing soul rape is the loss of agency.

It is important to move from a place of passivity and to a place where one is actively making decisions for one’s life. This include when those decisions are between bad or worse options as those are the only options left, in my opinion, after marital infidelity.

A wise pastor will understand this. He or she will support the faithful spouse in their decision making process; yet they will not try to usurp the faithful spouse’s agency in the matter.

Faithful spouse, the choice to divorce (or not) is yours; not your pastor’s!

 

______

*A version of this post ran previously.