“You’re so defensive!” says Manipulator. “You have to learn to take honest feedback better.”

“You’re so defensive!” Manipulation

I call this a manipulation because the person making the statement effectively turns our attention away from what they said or did to your response. They have changed the subject from their misbehavior to your reaction to it.

To faithful spouses, we might not notice this subtle shift. We tend to be introspective and take such feedback as necessary for our own self-improvement.

Don’t.

We do not have to fall for this manipulation anymore. It is NOT okay for them to further abuse us! They need to grow up and take accountability for their words and actions.

This manipulation is especially employed towards pastors by other Christian leaders. It is wrong and sinful. Such speech is NOT edifying (see Ephesians 4:29)! It is a power move that is out of place among God’s children.

Call it out:

“You’re so defensive!” says Manipulator.

“No, the issue is NOT my expressing hurt over your words. The issue is YOUR hurtful words towards me, and we will continue to focus on that or this conversation is over,” says Faithful Spouse.