A recent opinion piece was published in the Washington Post that caught my attention. It takes aim at the evangelical culture where divorce is NEVER acceptable.
The article is by Hännah Ettinger (click on title to be directed to the article):*
“Ending an abusive marriage is hard. Ending one in the evangelical church is harder.”
As a father, I cannot imagine taking such a heartless position towards my daughter. I understand this father was following his theological convictions like John Piper’s “hard nose” stance against divorce.
But I maintain any theology that is so merciless to victims does NOT represent the One True God who is good, just, and full of love. It is not just to blame someone for being sinned against.
Something is seriously sick with your theology when you blame your daughter for being cheated on and abandoned!
This blog ministry exists to combat this toxic theology of divorce. I am an evangelical pastor who vehemently disagrees with the “Never Divorce” crowd.
It boils my blood reading stories like these. We are talking real life harm done by such rigid, legalistic stances on divorce in the Christian community.
My heart breaks to read her story and how her experience has pushed her out of the church. This is the real tragedy. I hate to hear stories of such spiritual damage done by toxic theology.
My hope is my voice and stance becomes more common on these matters so that people like her can experience and find a spiritual home with the One True God who does not blame the abandoned and cheated upon.
* I do not agree with the author’s broad painting of all complementarians as in the same camp as it comes to this issue of abuse and divorce. When I went through my divorce, I was supported by people who held such theology and truly loved me like Jesus does.
Thank you DM for continuing to address this issue as it is prevalent in today’s Christian culture.
I am in the middle of divorce proceedings and I have not seen signs of repentence, and even so, know that I would not be required to stay.
I do have a question from my own heart. I was reading in Psalm 106:32-48 this morning and was struck at the unfaithfulness of Israel after God rescued them
Over and over and they still rebelled and were destroyed by their own sin. Then after that, God pitied them and listened to their cries and remembered his covenent with them, and relented because of His unfailing love. After that it’s more cries of save us Lord…Did Their cries represent repentence and that is why He relented? It says He remembered His covenant…am I still bound to my covenant even through my husband broke it? That is the argument I hear from people still, or read about a ‘faithful saint who kept their covenant even though their spouse broke it’. I see Jesus giving adultery as a reason for divorce, talk if broken covenant, and here him relenting to the Israelites crying out to Him. I know God used divorcing Israel in Jeremiah in His Word too.
I don’t know what my question is really, maybe it is what does God require of us? If our spouse repents that would be an opportunity to consider reconciliaton but not requirement. If the covenant is broken, so we, as God uses His words here still need to keep the covenant We made? Or is this a different covenant, that He would bring a Saviour to the world to save them, and not the same as two humans in covenant together that has been broken by adultery?
Any insight into my somewhat confusing questions about this?
I will do a post on the general thrust of your questions, A. My initial point is that God’s response is only remarkable if we assume God is under NO obligation to take backsliding, cheating Israel back. The point is that we do not laud someone–including God–if someone is morally obligated to do so. More later…
Here’s my answer in a post: http://www.divorceminister.com/mailbag-god-took-back-unfaithful-israel-are-we-obligated-as-well/
Sometimes God speaks to us through even the most surprising sources. When I was going through my divorce, some of the most staunch and evangelical Christians I knew advised me that my ex-wife was truly deceived and that is was best for me to file for divorce (I had three different ministers and a deacon confirm this). A non-believer co-worker, who is a known drunk, hostile, and never really had a kind word about anyone, out of the blue pulled me aside one day and told me to divorce my then wife. However, he strongly advised me to do so peacefully and to allow the “universe” to deal with her transgressions. All these answers were stunning to me, as I expected to be blamed for the end of that marriage as I was the “man” and because divorce was frowned upon in the community. But instead I came to see how God will use any source to get your attention, particularly when you are in danger from a spouse who has given themselves over to satan.