Cheating IS abuse!

Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! – I Corinthians 6:15b, NLT

When someone is a cheater, they are also an abuser. You cannot have one without the other.

Soul rape is abusive.

I am astounded by how cheating and adultery are too often treated as less than abuse.

The husband with a cheating wife is told to fight for her. Little attention is paid to how she is actively abusing him by her remorseless infidelity.

A pastor tells a faithful wife to buy sexier underwear when she learns about the husband’s infidelity. This same pastor would insist on a separation if she thought the same husband had hit his wife.

It is obnoxious. It is wrong. It is harmful to faithful spouses.

Cheating is not benign behavior. It involves deception and lies. Cheating is minimally an abuse of trust.

And the oneness of marriage means the cheater is forcing the third party upon the faithful spouse’s soul. 

For anyone who has experienced being cheated on, they can tell you the pain is excruciating. In fact, some of us would probably prefer a punch in the face to having our spouse commit adultery.

At least with the punch, (most) religious people would “get” why we needed to get away from the person who would punch us again given a chance.

 

7 thoughts on “Cheating IS abuse!”

  1. So true.
    I am hoping & praying that Dianne Bentlty’s experience helping victims of Domestic Violence & her first hand experience of being “soul raped” would shed some light on the
    Violence that is inflicted on victims of adultery.

  2. DM thank you AGAIN for sharing this wisdom. YOU are the main reason I filed and got away from all the pastors, Christian counselors and most the man I married who led a really good double life, keeping me in the abuse for over 3 decades. SAxh was always the one who shined after “another” DDay.
    I had only been a born again Christian for 2 years when I married him. I don’t doubt myself anymore, he was the plan for me, I met him in church, there were no red flags and we saved ourselves for what God had put together. We were 28, had careers, seemed liked the path was paved. 5 years later, 3 kids, we were in ministry (his parents were ministers) and one day he decided to “confess” that he had been unfaithful to me early on in the marriage. I don’t have to stress that things were never the same. I stay though and thought he had just made a “mistake”. 5 years later I discover he had made another “mistake”. Ill cut this short but every 5 years ‘another’ mistake. 3 years ago he confessed he had been addicted to porn since 10 and had basically led a double life with , AP, strip clubs, porn, cheating beyond words, for our entire marriage. He even cheated the night our 3rd child was born, THAT was my moment when I knew I was OUT and DONE. It still shocks me and hurts me that the CHURCH and everyone in between thinks I was a participant in the demise of our 32 yr marriage. NO one is a winner and I use a lot of your phrases to educate and tell ppl in the church and counseling …. THIS IS ABUSE! Point Blank. Thank you for listening to me. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know and Im so happy you are living in LOVE now. Peace DM & MRS

  3. Cheating is harmful to cheaters too. Don’t imagine that there are no earthly consequences for cheaters – I should know because I am one. The searing pain of conscience is almost impossible to bear.

    1. I do not assume there’s no earthly consequences. For those–like yourself–who are bothered by their sin, there is still hope. May it lead you to confession and repentance. Sadly, many cheaters are not bothered enough to actually confess and repent.

    2. I hope your sorrow will lead you to true repentance. If it has not already.
      I’m afraid some churches & counselors fail adulterers by claiming they are healed, forgiven…too soon.

      I am curious,
      •when did you begin to feel the pain?
      •besides pain of conscience what consequences are you faced with?
      •what signs of repentance are evident?
      •are you willing to humble yourself & put needs of those you violated above easing your conscience?

      I’m asking because I honestly want to believe cheaters truly repent. I’ve met my share & sadly, I don’t think I’ve met one yet. They’ve said they made a stupid mistake and that’s about it.

      Thanks!

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