Still tough to tell.

When I open up to someone about what happened to me with my  first marriage’s demise, I have found I still get upset if I share the full story.

I  have to fight the internal judge telling me that I “should” be detached in such recounting.

I struggle to fight off the internal condemning voice suggesting I am a “bad Christian” for still feeling strongly about what happened now over half a decade ago.

I grow fearful over being so transparent with someone–even or maybe especially–if that person is a professional who is supposed to stay free of condemnation of me.

But the reality is such a story ought to be upsetting.

No amount of time, forgiveness, or healing changes the ugly historical facts of what happened.

The historical facts about what happened in my first marriage’s end are awful. It is a situation I would not want another human to experience just as I assume you feel similarly about your own traumatic dance with your cheater.

It is still hard to believe what happened, happened. Real life is stranger than fiction as the saying goes. This is especially true, I believe, when dealing with cheaters.

So, if  you feel yourself stirred up after sharing a fuller version of what happened to you even years afterwards, know that you are not alone and aren’t “crazy” or otherwise “defective.”

To those Christians tempted to condemn–including my own internal voice–I have a reminder for you all:

When you have had your soul raped–as all faithful spouses who have survived adultery have–you shouldn’t be shocked that the victim gets a bit emotional recounting such a horrible violation!

How about extending some grace and treating us in a way you would have liked to be treated if similarly violated?