Buried in the article about cheating and the sleazy internet company Ashley Madison are some statistics about adultery. I will quote the pertinent paragraph from the article, “For the Thrill of the Affair: Why Married Women Cheat” by REBECCA JARVIS, KINGA JANIK and CANDACE SMITH (link here):
Some statistics show that 21 percent of married men have had an affair, compared to 15 percent of married woman, according to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey. But that number for women has spiked in the last two decades, up nearly 40 percent.
Let those statistics sink in.
Those statistics mean more than one in five husbands admits to committing adultery. On the female side, that means more than one in seven wives admits to committing adultery (and that number is climbing precipitously).
I emphasize the word admits as anyone who has experienced adultery from the victim side knows admitting to the deed does not come easily for a cheater. So, it is pretty safe to say the actual percentage of cheating husbands and wives is much, much higher.
Think about that.
That’s a lot of marriages impacted by adultery–roughly two in five with just these low numbers!
And we are not even talking about the ripple effect of such sin as it impacts far more than just the primary couple–e.g. kids, parents, friends, etc.
God calls adultery evil for a reason (Deut. 22:22)!
When minimally one in five marriages are impacted by adultery (just taking the husband numbers), adultery is a social and moral pandemic!
Will the Church arise to address this pandemic?
Or will it continue to sell snake oil assurances that you can save or “affair proof” your marriage by being a “good” wife or a “good” husband?
How well did being “good” protect Job from calamity?
It didn’t.
Yes, strive to be a respecting wife and a loving husband, but do not be deceived that such will protect your marriage from adultery. The only thing that does that is two hearts yielded to God choosing fidelity over rebellion each and every day of the marriage. It means two people who fight the lies of temptation with the truth of righteousness each hour of everyday in their own minds and hearts.
It takes character. It takes grit. And it takes standing on God’s truth knowing the Bible so that one has an answer to the demonic temptation and lies.
God is not confused upon the matter of adultery.
It is about time His Bride is no longer.
***On a happier note, yesterday (9/11) was the two month anniversary of launching “Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously.” To this date, we have had over 16,000 views with literally thousands of unique visitors coming to the blog from more than 35 different countries (38 including the USA at my last count to be exact). While numbers are not everything as any church planting pastor will tell you, it is encouraging to see that the word is getting out to many people. Thank you all for visiting, and I hope what you find here is edifying and healing words for your souls!
“Yes, strive to be a respecting wife and a loving husband, but do not be deceived that such will protect your marriage from adultery. The only thing that does that is two hearts yielded to God choosing fidelity over rebellion each and every day of the marriage. It means two people who fight the lies of temptation with the truth of righteousness each hour of everyday in their own minds and hearts.
It takes character. It takes grit. And it takes standing on God’s truth knowing the Bible so that one has an answer to the demonic temptation and lies.”
Thank you for these words of truth.
Welcome to DM, Chumpanzee! Glad you found the words encouraging/helpful.
Pastor, it seems to me that pornography, easily available via the web, is at lease a “gateway” to adultery. In fact, come to think of it, wouldn’t viewing pornography be adultery because it is causing someone to find fulfillment in something else rather than the marriage? (Or is adultery only a physical act?) Shouldn’t the church’s campaign against adultery include pornography?
Pornography certainly violates the spirit of the Law as Jesus teaches in Mt 5. However, I see a difference between acting on lust (i.e. engaging in sexual acts with another) and not acting on lust.
That said, pornography is awful and wrong. I am not trying to minimize what damage porn causes. It is destructive of relationships and demeaning of people. Personally, I DO think it is a gateway as in how it deadens the conscience of the addict.
Is it adultery? That is a tough one. It is infidelity for sure. And it is serious sin needing attention.
As far as addressing pornography from the pulpit, I see far more pastors talking about the ills of porn than those who talk about the ills of adultery. That’s my experience.
Pastor, so am I correct that, in your view, it is the physical act between two bodies that defines adultery, not just the heart? I’ve be led to understand viewing porn and associated masturbation is equivalent to adultery. Ref Mat 5:28 Obviously that definition that I just shared raises the bar significantly. But it also addresses the heart issue as core vs a physical act. Thanks for your thoughts. I’m trying to sort this out.
Don- I think adultery is both physical and of the heart. It can’t be limited to just something physical as emotional affairs are still affairs and still just as damaging. Porn is a tough one for me as well. I’ve thought about the same question you bring up and honestly, I personally lean towards that it would probably count more as adultery than not, but I still haven’t come to a conclusive answer myself. I can see it being argued both ways. I’m pretty sure DM also sees it similarly. Porn is not something to be messed with. It definitely steals from the relationship, sets up unrealistic and distorted views on sex and intimacy, it’s can become an addiction, it’s very destructive. I can see it ending a marriage. It takes a high level of intervention to get rid of it, as it also does with affairs. One spouse doesn’t cause the other to turn to porn, just like a faithful spouse doesn’t cause the cheater to turn to cheating. The porn has to stop in order for there to be any thought of restoration.