God is a just judge,
And God is angry with the wicked every day.-Psalm 7:11, NKJV
Christians are quick to judge faithful spouses as “bitter” without pausing to consider another–more likely–origin of such strong anger:
Injustice.
To be angry at injustice is a good and godly response to have. It is not “bitterness” but what God calls His people to be–a people who fight for justice and against injustice.
Part of the reason faithful spouses remain angry so long is that the injustices they experience do not end but continue to impact them.
Anger from those experiences is not a “bitterness” thing.
Much like the blunt instrument of “God hates divorce,” Christians who write off angry faithful spouses as “bitter” are signalling an unwillingness to address real injustices.
Plus, assuming the faithful spouse is bitter because he or she is still angry is NOT a charitable judgment.
Is it possible the angry faithful spouse is bitter? Yes.
However, that is not always the case.
Sometimes the faithful spouse is dealing with the consequences of living in a world filled with injustices foisted upon them by their cheater and cohorts. This is true even years after the infidelity or divorce.
To label such angry faithful spouses “bitter” is to kick them while they are down.
A much more compassionate and godly response is to seek to understand the world as the faithful spouse sees it. Ask yourself:
What injustices might be behind the anger here?
That is a far kinder and charitable way to approach faithful spouse anger. It may be that the faithful spouse needs help getting unstuck in their grief process. They need a wise friend to see the injustice and validate the feelings.
The anger is just one of the many complex feelings the faithful spouse has over the mountain of losses served to them through the unjust experience of being cheated on. It is cruel to dismiss them as bitter for having this feeling.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
“Sometimes the faithful spouse is dealing with the consequences of living in a world filled with injustices foisted upon them by their cheater and cohorts. This is true even years after the infidelity or divorce.”
Yep, maybe they are working two jobs just to cover the bill, plus trying to get some college classes in. Maybe, they share a grown child (in my case son) and they know of the terrible treatment that son is receiving from cheater and his adultery partner, and they can’t do a thing to stop it except advise said son. Maybe, they gave up promotions, and spent every extra hour they had for years helping the cheater build his career. That and so much more. Yes anger will occasionally erupt, but it doesn’t mean they are not moving on, or that they are bitter.