“I would forgive anything. I want us to stay married,” says desperate faithful spouse.
“But you would always hold it over my head,” responds heartless Cheater.
The more I think about this sort of response from a cheater, the more I am struck by its cruelty:
The Cheater could care less about the cost of their sins against the faithful spouse and the lasting damage they have done.
To them, marriage is a game where the partner with the greatest leverage hold the power and gets their way. They cannot tolerate losing that leverage and power by staying in a marriage with someone who has such damning material on them.
Such Cheaters are not even considering the impact of their behavior on their victims. It does not matter to them.
If it did, they would never scoff at such an offered gift. They would understand its dear, dear cost to the one offering it to them. And they would understand forgiveness does not automatically erase all the damage done by their sins.
Instead of treating the faithful spouse as “unforgiving” whenever they have to deal with triggers, they will compassionately work through that as part of their repentance. Such a repentant Cheater would never treated that as the faithful spouse “holding it over their head.”
Sadly, most of us never got a truly repentant Cheater. We got the power hungry and heartless type.
In that case, it is best to divorce such an individual as they are doubling down on their sins. They are making it clear that they will continue to abuse you if you remain in the marriage with them. That is an unsafe place to be; so, get out!
