“It was a mistake. Come on! Give me a break.” -Cheater
Adultery is far more than “a mistake.” The word just makes me cringe internally when I see or hear it used to talk about infidelity.
In one sense, the word is accurate. The person did something wrong. A “mistake” highlights that.
However, the word “mistake” greatly trivializes what the cheater did.
It puts committing adultery in the same category as forgetting the milk on a grocery run or taking a wrong turn on way to pick up a family member.
Adultery stretches the category of “mistake” beyond its proper use, IMO.
The cheater did not “just” sleep with the other person. It is far more than one sexual act. They engaged in lying and stealing along with that act.
The longer they hid it, the more premeditation and planning was needed. A mistake isn’t premeditated. Cheating is.
An accountant who transposes some numbers because he is tired made a “mistake.” He deserves a break.
An accountant who transposes some numbers to steal money as a premeditated scheme has committed a crime called embezzlement. He deserves jail time.
A judge is likely not fooled by the embezzler trying to pass off his criminal behavior as “a mistake.”
Why should we–faithful spouses–be any different with cheaters pulling the same stunt?!
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*A version of this post ran previously.
Dear DM,
A family member contacted me after her husband announced “I want a divorce; the kids will be fine; I’m moving out; you can have the kids, house, car; I deserve to be happy”.
Next announcement “I am an atheist. My mother coerced me into christianity when I was a young child. I don’t believe any of it (Bible). Christians are hypocrites & judgmental”. Next announcement “I meet someone & I will persue her”. It was 1 shock after another and everything got even worse. And worse. She kept telling me from day 1 that he had drastically changed, so much so that that it frightened her. She used the word “dark” to describe him.
I sensed the need for the full armor of God. Eph ch 6.
I was online searching for any reason/advice/resource/wisdom available to help this traumatized faithful wife & mother as I fervently prayed. Almost all info was similar: Adultery is caused by being married to a bad spouse. That was the core message no matter how it was masked. Didn’t matter if it was secular or christian based. I was beginning to be influenced by this common mindset yet I just knew that the answer was not yet found. Ask, Seek, Knock, right? Finding your website was an extremely important, powerful weapon in this on-going, viscious spiritual war. She ordered your book immediately. She drank up every word like a person dying of thirst. It eliminated the lost-ness of not knowing what direction to take- what’s right or wrong. It was the beginning of giving up the hopeless hope of who he once was to return.
Jesus said, “I AM The Way, The Truth & The Life…”. Jesus=Truth.
She is now basing her life on Capital “T” Truth more than ever & other lower case “t” truths about character disordered people, etc.
It’s very painful to witness her being the victim of his abuse (mocking, taunting, tricking, coldness, cruelty, rages, blame-shifting, shame-shifting, parental alienation) mostly done in such insidious, covert ways.) She has been his target & he hits often & accurately at her most wounded spots. The very ones he created. Then he’s gleeful. It’s alarming. Chilling, really.
He hates her is my opinion. Yes, I said & mean “hate”. I most seriously think/sense that he’s demonized.
She has mental angst, emotional heartbreak, trauma & trauma triggers, but mostly her profound, constant efforts/attempts to protect her children from all the invisible (but felt) evil debris flying around.
We find Truth, truth, comfort & company in each post you write. Her (soon) divorce is because of both Adultery &
An unbeliever spouse who wants to leave.
Please pray for her & her children (parents, brothers, sisters in law) as this wicked war rages on. We’re all shocked by the dark & evil coming from this changed man.
A wholehearted Thank You, needed servant of God! Know you’re in my prayers. Please keep writing/posting. We’ll be referring. Donation coming.
Thank you for your kind words! May God guide you both through this difficult season. Glad she has you as a support!