“I was afraid you would get angry. That is why I did not tell you [I was cheating on you].”
-Cheater
Isn’t it amazing how a cheater can my their lying your fault?
Now, we know their lies are their lies. However, cheaters are adept at shifting blame.
In this mind trick:
The speaker is blaming their victim for lying to him or her.
In neat fashion, it takes the negative spotlight off the liar and puts it upon the lied to. The faithful spouse is put on the defensive as he or she is almost obligated NOT to be angry as that would “justify” the lie.
In my personal opinion, this tactic is abusive.
It is as emotionally manipulative as the wife beater telling his bruised wife that “if she didn’t say those things, then he wouldn’t have to beat her.”
The wife beater is wrong. He is fully responsible for the abuse. It is not his victim’s fault.
For those still going after faithful spouses, I would like to point out that the beaten wife might have said upsetting things. That does not excuse the husband’s abuse. EVER.
So, analogously:
The cheater is wrong. She is fully responsible for her lies. It is not the faithful spouse’s fault.
The cheater remains 100% responsible for her own words and actions. This is what the Bible teaches (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). A good pastor would warn a cheater of this reality and not fall for this manipulation.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
