“The [cheating] really is irrelevant to our marriage problems. You….”
-Cheater
What this really means is the cheating is irrelevant to the cheater narrative where they are the victim and the faithful spouse is the “aggressor.”
This is like a shooter telling the police not to focus on the fact of him stabbing the victim but rather to look at their victim’s cholesterol numbers. It is ludicrous.
What is even crazier is how some pastors fall for this one!
They investigate the faithful spouse’s “cholesterol numbers” while the cheater continues to twist the infidelity knife deeper into their partner’s heart. It is insane. But it happens, sadly, all too often.
The faithful spouse might have had issues. Their “cholesterol numbers” might not have been ideal. However, stabbing them in the heart is certainly a great problem and related directly to marriage issues. That’s the truth.
The rest is just a cheater trying to avoid taking responsibility for stabbing the marriage in the heart through infidelity.
A wise pastor does not fall for this cheater’s deflection.
I was hit hard with this accusation. My 3 decade marriage ending with xh telling anyone who would listen the it was ME who “never” get over or forgive what he had done. NOPE 3 decades of living a double life left the knife stuck in me somehow!! Pastor, friends, family (his) agreed with him that I had the problem bc I was angry, aggressive, unforgiving .. God forbid! Wow, it was shocking to me how unsupportive people were. 3 years free from that nonsense now and 100% was not my fault! Thank you DM for setting me straight many years ago.
My privilege! So glad my story and lessons I’ve learned have helped.