Dear Divorce Minister, What should I look for?

Dear Divorce Minister,

My husband choose to continue his affair, which has resulted in me filling for divorce. He did not show any true remorse just used the word sorry. His actions in continuing to see his AP told me otherwise.

When the divorce is final he is then not committing a sin anymore. What would you then need to see to show that they were sorry and wanted to reconcile to friendship. We have 2 children together so we have some contact. This is the minimum in order to protect myself from any further abuse.

-Emma

Dear Emma,

I thought your comment would be worthy of a full treatment. Hence, I am responding as a post.

What should you look for in reconciling to the point of a friendship?

I suspect you could answer your own implied question:

What does a friend do after they have wronged you? What would you look for from that friend for the relationship to be repaired or saved from ending?

A full owning of the wrongdoing seems like a good starting place. Also, I am a firm believer that complete disclosure is necessary. Keeping nasty secrets to blow up in your face years later is not the act of a friend.

If he is unwilling to come clean, then I do not think he is ready to enter into a friendship with you. He is prioritizing his own comfort over doing the right thing. That’s not repentance.

Also, you wrote:

When the divorce is final he is then not committing a sin anymore.

He would have to end his relationship with the OW and live a celibate life as long as he is no longer with you in order to no longer to be sinning per Jesus’ own words (e.g. Matthew 19:9).

Let’s say, he does those things. He ends it with the OW and comes clean. Then I would be looking for him to act in ways that put you and your kids first. In other words, I would look for humility plus kindness from him.

Hope that helps!

-Pastor David