For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Cor. 10:3-5, NIV
Yesterday, I was coming home from work listening to the radio. A popular Twin Cities radio station was taking calls from people who knew affair partners were present at the wedding of their illicit lovers. A caller called into the station and explained she was the one who had an affair partner present at her own wedding! The hosts asked her if she still was having “hot fudge sundaes” with said coworker after being married, and the caller confirmed she had. She quickly followed it up with comments as in that it did not mean anything. It was just a fling.
While this is a secular venue, I am still angered and sickened by the lies and lack of shame over adultery. However, I will take this opportunity to use it as a teaching example here. Did you notice the minimization and lies the caller used to justify her adulteries?
A good way to ensure adultery continues and actually grows in society is to give into such lies. To leave them unchallenged. It was not just a fling. She raped her husband’s soul (see Adultery is Soul Rape). And she slept with another woman’s husband. Do you think that woman sees sexual relationships with her husband as “nothing”?
This post is entitled “Demolishing Demonic Defenses” because I am encouraging all to pay attention to the lies people tell themselves to excuse adultery. Awareness is the first step to addressing the devastation wrought by such lies.
We can no longer afford to minimize sin. We no longer can bless people leaving their “unhappy” marriages to commit adultery if we care about a society free of such traumatizing behavior and righteousness. A spouse does not drive another spouse to cheat. A cheater cheats because a cheater chose to cheat, period. If we actually cared about the cheater, we would call him/her to repentance and not sanction sin.
And I put the terms “Demonic Defenses” in the today’s title because these lies are all so common and such destructive commonality is a sure-fire give away as to origins–i.e. demonic (see Adultery Is Downright Demonic).
You have a choice:
Do I accept any part of the justifying lies or do I speak truth to myself and others? Will I accept the lies use to minimize adultery or will I call it for what it is–i.e. soul rape? Will I play pretzel gymnastics owning “my responsibility for the adulterous relationship” or will I refuse to accept any part of this demonic lie?
Until faithful spouses and godly people refuse to give a quarter to the lies used to minimize and “justify” infidelity, adultery will continue to happen with increasing frequency and with even more heartbreaking destruction.
This is Satan’s scheme for our destruction. So, now we can choose to join the Apostle Paul in saying that we are, indeed, “not ignorant of his devices” (2 Cor. 2:11, KJV).
Hey DM,
I’m leaving comments everywhere.
Another This!! This!!
I went to a divorce support group at a church and one night the topic was FOO issues and my part in the affair. Seriously!!! That bothered me for months. I finally realized that is utter BS. I did not make the choice to break the promise I made to my (ex) husband. He is 100% to blame.
I am totally enjoying the posts. Wish you were around 2 – 2 1/2 years ago when I was in the thick of it all. But I am thankful for your blog.
Totally appreciate the Adultery is Soul Rape blog. First time a term truly explains what it feels like. That’s another This!!!
Thanks, Moxie, for the kind words. Yeah, I never liked the church convos about shared responsibility either. You either sinned or you did not sin. You either committed adultery or you didn’t. That’s how I see it. Own what you did and not what another person did.
As far as not having this up two years ago, I was still in God’s School of Hard-Knocks. But I am glad some fruit is coming out of those years of hard lessons.
I had kind of a “eureka” moment when reading this blog. It is not the betrayed spouse’s fault at all because, in the covenant of marriage, it is God who is the One to whom each partner is ultimately responsible. If a spouse has issues with integrity, honesty, etc., then unrepentance and a failure to seek Christ’s likeness and holiness is what makes one susceptible to adultery and all other sins. For example, a person may not meet the cultural (or Biblical) standards of what it means to be a good wife. However, she is not responsible if her spouse commits adultery. Rather, each partner is personally accountable to God for his/her heart, mind, soul, strength, and holiness. If an individual is not walking with the Lord, this is when sin creeps in. A less-than-admirable spouse may be a means by which the Devil can create a temptation to sin–but the person will consider/fall to the temptation ONLY if the state of the spouse’s own heart is not strong in the LORD and open to said temptation (Matthew 15:19). The army of darkness will seize any and every opportunity to tempt and cause sin. Whether or not one is open to it is a personal matter.
Consider Jesus’s thrice temptation in the wilderness. We are told that he was lead into the wilderness to fast for 40 days and 40 nights BY THE HOLY SPIRIT to be TESTED (Matt. 4:1). God lead him to this time of isolation and fasting for Christ’s benefit. Yet, being a man who suffers hunger and thirst, and probably physically weakened due to a sustained fast, Satan seized this opportunity to tempt Christ to sin (Matt. 4:2-10). Yet, Christ DID NOT SIN. Why? Because His heart, and soul, and mind were consumed with love for the Father and for His commands. Therefore, He rejected each temptation levied at Him.
But, for the sake of argument, let’s imagine that Christ had fallen to sin in one of these tests. Would it then be God’s fault, or the fault of the Holy Spirit, for leading Christ to the wilderness to be tempted by the devil (v.1)? NO! God is holy and it is never His will for Christ or anyone to sin. Therefore, a negative or unfulfilling climate in a marriage or within one–or both–spouses is never a reason to sin (i.e. commit adultery). Perhaps, in our humanness, we may be tested by God by Him permitting temptation by the Devil during times of marital discord, but whether or not a spouse is open or succumbs to temptation is a personal matter of the individual’s heart.
Excellent insight, Susan!