The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
– I Corinthians 7:3, NLT
So much I was taught about marriage and sexuality growing up in the evangelical church pit husbands against wives in regards to sex in a marriage. Almost always, I heard stories that cast the husband as the one struggling to “get enough” from his wife. On the flip side, wives were treated as almost asexual primarily as beings who only needed emotional connection.
The emotional needs of the wife were then pitted against the sexual needs of the husband. It was an “either/or” or “zero sum game” where the partners only get their respective needs met at the expense of the other.
Such teaching was neither Biblical or healthy.
The sexual needs of a couple go both ways as the Apostle Paul teaches in I Corinthians 7:5. This is the place where he warns married couples to not refrain from having regular intercourse because Satan may tempt them if they do. He does not write that temptation is limited only to horny husbands. Satan is able to tempt both wives and husbands as both are sexual beings.
And men need emotional intimacy, too.
It not just a woman thing.
Thank you very much!
I have addressed a broken sexual ethic in my rebuttal of Michelle Duggar’s thoughts regarding being a “good” Christian wife (see post here).
My concern with the current evangelical caricatures of martial sexuality is how it dehumanizes Christian spouses and shames them for godly desires.
It is dehumanizing as…
- The “horny Christian husband” is treated as an animal whose sexual appetite needs addressing by his sexual meal ticket–i.e. his Christian wife–OR he might “stray.” We are more than our drives. Animals live as captive to their drives, not humans.
It is shaming as…
- The husband is taught that turning down sex for emotional needs makes him less than a “normal” man, and a Christian woman is taught that she is slutty for liking and wanting sex–even from her husband.
God made us emotional and sexual beings. This applies to both husbands and wives.
God, also, gave us choice over how we manage our appetites. We were not made to be governed by them. God made us in His Image. It is an image that includes holiness. We were meant to reflect Him.
A wife does not cheat because her “emotional needs” are not being met by her husband. She cheats because she has chosen to defy God’s commands to not give into sin. The infidelity is completely hers to own.
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A husband does not cheat because he is not getting his “sexual needs” met by his wife. He cheats because he has chosen to defy God’s commands to not give into sin. The infidelity is completely his to own.
Any marital sexual ethic that says otherwise is neither Biblical or healthy.
Clapping loudly over here…
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