Keep to a path far from her [adulteress],
do not go near the door of her house,
lest you lose your honor to others
and your dignity to one who is cruel,
lest strangers feast on your wealth
and your toil enrich the house of another.-Proverbs 8-10, NIV
How do I feel about the affair partner(s)?
Obviously, an affair partner is party to sin. They are responsible for willfully violating God’s law. These individuals are in sin like the adulterous partner.
That said, I still lay greater responsibility at the feet of the adulterous spouse.
They are the one who specifically failed to keep their vows to the faithful spouse. Yes, the affair partner played a role. However, that role would never have been played if the cheater had kept their marriage vows of fidelity.
I remember being greatly angered towards my (now) ex-wife’s adultery partner upon discovery initially.
Then I came to realize that the problem wasn’t really him. Like any cheater, in my opinion, the problem resides in the wicked heart of the cheater. He was just the body that led to the external manifestation of the evil in the cheater’s heart.
Sure, the adultery partner is guilty of sin.
But I think focusing anger on this party is simply another smokescreen for a cheater who is adept at dodging their fuller responsibility in the matter. That is how I see it.
I appreciate this response by way of a post! I will suggest that when children are involved and the wayward spouse introduces the affair partner to the children, it further deepens the wound. At that point the betrayed spouse has to deal with a person who played a significant role in the breakup of the marriage spending time with the children when they are with the other parent. I do agree that the wayward spouse caused this action, but coming to terms with the ongoing presence of an affair partner in your children’s lives only adds to the bile of betrayal.
No problem. Yes, the AF being involved with one’s kids is a bitter pill to swallow. That goes back to the Serenity Prayer part where there are things we do not control. It isn’t right. But putting effort into what we do not control is a recipe for misery.
Hi DM,
I respectfully disagree, the AP is guilty of stealing from the faithful partner and deceiving them, both are also sinning against God’s Commandments, the same Commandments that name adultery as sin.
I do not think we disagree. Both are sinning. They are both fully responsible for the sin. My point is that the AP is interchangeable whereas the cheating spouse is still the spouse in all those situations.