Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
– Luke 12:6-7, NIV
I am convinced God gave us animals to teach us about Him and His love for us. The passage I quote above is Jesus doing just that–i.e. teaching us through examples from nature.
When I was going through my divorce and adultery discoveries, I had a furry friend to help buoy my spirits. For some of you, your “furry” friend might be a dog, a bird, or some other loving creature. I am a cat lover; so, it was a tabby kitty for me. His picture is above on this post. That’s Mr. Pickles.*
I thank God for giving Mr. Pickles to me! Many nights he cuddled with me as I slept alone feeling the acute loss of someone who I had once thought was my friend and soul mate. His love was very vital for me especially when I was literally half way across the country from my family support. Yet, even then, God took care of me by sending His love through a purring, cuddly cat who acted more like a dog than most cats.
One memorable moment with Mr. Pickles happened with my former mother-in-law (MIL). I had just asked my then-wife if I could keep Mr. Pickles in a conversation when we were dividing up stuff. She agreed to let me have him and asked me to take care of him. I replied that I would, and he had taken good care of me. My former MIL was present for that exchange and cornered me about it in a followup conversation with her later that same night.
With contempt and derision in her voice, she pointed out the exchange about Mr. Pickles and asked if I needed someone to take care of me. We were talking about a cat here, and not a live in nurse or maid! I digress.
Back to the story:
I responded to my former MIL: “Mr. Pickles has been more faithful to me than your daughter!” Little did I know at the time how true my words were.
It took to the end of that month for me to make the first adulterous relationship discovery, which was ongoing while my former MIL was lecturing me about love, Christian duty, marriage, and our cat. Later my ex-wife told me that she introduced her long-term adultery partner to her parents the same week as the conversation about Mr. Pickles!
I thank God for animals.
Mr. Pickles proved to be a balm to my soul in my dire hour of need. He made me feel loved by sleeping against my feet every night. And he reminded me daily that my ex and her cohorts were lying about my character saying I was an angry, abusive man as Mr. Pickles never showed any fear in being around me. You see, I’ve been told and believe animals and children pick up when someone is truly abusive or dangerous. The truth remains that children and animals flocked to me back then and as they do now.
*As a sad side note, I had to give up Mr. Pickles when I married Mrs. DM. She is allergic, and Mr. Pickles is not very little kid friendly. That said, we found a nice place for him, and last I heard he was residing happily on a farm in Minnesota.
My ex was very good with animals. I paid attention to this when we were dating and after. Even my uncle who has 4 dogs and 3 cats all of which live in his appartment told me when he met my ex: he must be a good guy because he loves animals and they feel that and love him back.
Ten years forward he started an affair when I was 9 months pregnant with our first child. I didn’t find out until 2 years later. One month after I found out about affair I found out that I was pregnant again.
During those 2 years both our dogs got very sick. He was supposed to take care of the shots and didn’t take dog to the vet. The dog who was with us for 10 years died and the other survived. He left her with me and I don’t have much time to spend with her now bc of 2 very small children.
This year I was planting my garden when I saw big box. The dirt was washed away with rain and opened the box. I opened it and almost fall on the ground bc this was where he burried our dog. I was so mad and still don’t understand why he did that.
I used to think that if a person loves animals he must be a good person. I don’t think so anymore. This was the same guy who demanded abortion
so that a baby “won’t control him.”
I don’t know anymore what things to watch for in a man.
Mommy of two,
Yeah, I wish there was a fool-proof litmus test for sorting out bad partners predicting cheaters. Being an animal lover does not appear to be one (although, I question his status as such when he failed to give shots to his dog of TEN YEARS!) Either way, it can be particularly frustrating and painful to discover the precautions one did take failed to protect. I can relate to that aspect. I thought I had vetted my ex as a good Christian gal and did so through trusted people only to discover vast differences in values in the end, of course. It is complex. Maybe your husband was a nice, animal lover when you got together and changed over the course of the relationship? I don’t know. Today, I recommend looking for someone who owns their choices and decisions plus acts with kindness. That said, though, when we enter any relationship, we take a chance in getting burned. There are no guarantees. And we do not control the other person’s choices.
I am starting to think that they know exactly what to do to appear normal and good people. They are even willing to put an effort and act with kindness and responsibility, and show integrity.
Eventually it’s just too much effort and too boring. And you can only hide who you really are for some period of time, eventually they show their real face.
I don’t think they were good people from the beginning, I think they just chose to show part of them that was good and it couldn’t last. When their mask fail it was impossible to put it back.
For example after a 10 year marriage, when ex asked me for abortion he told me for the first time that 2 other women did abortions from him. I was shocked because I had no clue. I asked him why he didn’t tell me this before and he responded well none tells the everything about themselves. This is how they think and they know very well how to show those good qualities that people like and appreciate.
So true, Mommy of Two. Very good at image control.
This is not on subject…I just need to talk I’m having such a hard time! It’s a little over a year now and I’m worse now than in the beginning? All time has done for me is make me realize how horrible everything is that my husband done…this has devastated me beyond belief it took me 6 months to get to a lawyer because I was/am so broken and that’s when I found out about our finances – all money gone, bills way behind, he also took out a big loan? I had been out of work for a while too….so no money for the divorce lawyer. We are just now on track with the bills caught up. If I had the money a divorce would already be filed so I’m just trying to get things in order and be patient.
See my husband is a drug and alcohol counselor who teaches others right from wrong and preaches about living right and being a man of God-what a hypocrite…I think that is most of my problem he was preaching to everyone about living right and he was doing so much wrong himself and being such a fake and false teacher …I am struggling sooo I want out yesterday! It just isn’t possible finacelly right now…and I am full of fear for when it is over, who wants to start all over in their forties? I’m still so lost and confused!
My husband does seem truly remorseful and it shows with his actions not just words but for me it’s just not enough…I have ask him to leave over and over and he wont let go, he just begs and cries all the time! I don’t understand how anyone could cause another human so much pain! All I can do at this point is get as much in order as I can and give it more time and everything will work out….but I just want out and wish this was easier. I hate anyone has to go through this it is the worst thing I can imagine ever having to go thru. I can’t even find the words or explain how this feels or what it has done to me…we were the couple everyone envied I never thought he would hurt me in any way…I guess because I have made up my mind to divorce that is making it harder being in the same house with him and I just can’t make it happen right now? And I am actually pretty physically sick too I’m 5’5 and weigh less than 100lbs now I didn’t have much weight to loose but it fell off fast! I’m so tired! Anyway thanks for listening! God bless and thanks for all you do!
Somuchhurt,
Glad you feel like you can vent on the blog! It is helpful to have a place to do that. And it sounds like you have dealt with a lot of betrayal in addition to the adultery. I am so sorry you have experienced that! No one deserves such pain.
Life is not over for you in your forties. And you are not starting over completely. You are older and wiser. You are a survivor. You are a faithful spouse. You have much to offer. I am sorry your husband failed to take that into account when he betrayed you on so many levels. But you are very valuable now as ever.
God loves you and thinks the world of you. You are His precious little girl and always will be!
Blessings upon you and may you feel an extra measure of His love tonight as you go to sleep.
DM
SMH- I’ll repeat what I’ve said to others. My heart breaks for you. I will cry with you, swear with you, yell with you, throw that pillow across the room with you and rejoice with you. What is the support system that you have? You need support, we all need it, especially in times like this. Do you have friends that have not betrayed you? Siblings/cousins/other relatives? A new church group that’s not condemning you? A social worker/someone who’s familiar with community resources? Divorce Care? Some sort of Legal Aid Society/resource for Pro-bono lawyers? It sounds like you could really benefit from having an advocate in your corner. Someone else physically present to affirm a line you draw. It IS harder for you while you’re still living with your husband. You do need a safe place without him present to be able to heal. Do you have a place you could go even for a couple weeks? If you don’t have friends/family you could stay with for a while would he be willing to give you space and him stay with his friends/family? I do want to know that you have somewhere you can go for help. I’m 5ft and was 110 last summer, which was inching closer to being underweight for myself. You’re right, you didn’t have a lot of weight to lose. I am concerned, the stress this is causing your body cannot be underestimated. Are you connected to a healthcare provider?
We are glad you’re here, we’re glad this site has been encouraging to you. I hope you keep coming.
Thank you for your response and concern. I do have a small group of support from friends and family who can’t believe he done this so all are very encouraging… But everyone is like me in this small town right now….economy bad, no jobs, money tight…so we all are just praying for miracles! Thank you for all you do!
I’m glad you do have support. We’ll continue the prayers for miracles on this end 🙂
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! There is so much more to my story tho lol… The woman he had an affair with was my neighbor and supposeded friend… Who I took under my wing and helped in so many ways… And she was telling one of my friends all the details of their affair and my friend never even gave me a hint it was happening so 3 people who were suppose to care for me betrayed me? And I wonder why I am struggling soo???