…”I said about them, ‘They wander in their hearts
just like they do with their feet,
and they refuse to learn my ways.’
My heart grieved over them so I decreed:
‘They will never enter into the calming rest of my Spirit!’ ”-Hebrews 3:10b-11, TPT
While it might not feel like it initially, divorcing a cheater can lead to rest and peace.
You are breaking free from someone who has decided to defy God like the Israelites did in the desert. They were not allowed to enter God’s rest.
So, the first step to entering such rest is to break fellowship with a cheater who is literally hell-bent. No rest exists for faithful spouses who are living with someone who is in active defiance of God’s ways.
Can you relate?
Have you lost hours wondering where she/he is?
How about the fear over the next nasty discovery?
What about the terror of dealing with the verbal barrage of accusation and blame-shifting from your cheater?
How about the humiliation of going through STD tests because of your cheater’s risky behavior?
These are not peace-producing scenarios. They just aren’t. A gift from the awful situation of divorce is the peace that comes from cutting oneself free from the madness of wickedness.
It is freeing.
Yes, it takes work to find that place of rest. We need to believe and trust God’s words of comfort and peace. The work of processing grief is important to face as well.
However, I can testify to the joy of experiencing the gifts of peace on the other side of divorce. God is good and honors faithfulness to Him.
In 2008 I went thru a divorce and that was the most difficult thing I have gone thru. I Was separated from my fist wife in November 2007 for two months and she got sick and went to the hospital so I came and took care of the children and cleaned her house to help her. I saw her computer screen light up and a voice said look and so I did. I opened her MySpace page and she was arranging a hook up with some guy and the conversation was graphic. I confronted her and she laughed at me so I left. I went back to my friends house determined to be out of this marriage and a few months later I fornicated with a woman that was an old friend. The guilt and shame was unbearable. A few months later I dated the ex and tried to reconcile our marriage until I caught her with another guy less than two weeks of dating! That’s when I believed she wasn’t going to change and now 11 years later she remains unmarried and has had 3 live in boyfriends. I cried put to Jesus for a woman that wants to walk with God with me one day on a mountain logging road. About 2 to 3 months later I met my wife that I have now. She was a new believer in 2008 and we didn’t do everything right in the beginning but knew what we needed to know and decided to get married. The pastor at my church treated me with judgement so we left that church and were married by another pastor which we went on mission in Mexico for our honeymoon. The hardest part was that my pastor watched all of this go down and knew the whole story but judged me like I was guilty. I was guilty of some things but I would NEVER have cheated even though I was miserable the last couple years with her. My life now is full of peace and my wife and I pray, fast and work together for Jesus. The only problem I have is the fact that I’m divorced and remarried and I know that wasn’t really God’s plan and I fear sometimes that God is not pleased. On the other hand I know God can turn a wreck into a work of art. My wife is so precious to me and I believe God answered my cry with her. I only feel condemned when I read what Jesus said about a man marrying a divorced woman committing adultery. But then I read 1 Corinthians where it states ” is a man loosed by his wife, let him not seek a wife but if he marries he hasn’t sinned.” I cling to that verse for hope because I love Jesus and want to be with him but it is not good for me to be alone. I believe God knows my heart and has mercy despite my failures. He is so good!
Thankfully, your disapproving pastor does not get the final word on situations like yours. God gives us permission to divorce sexually unfaithful spouses (see Mt 19:9). The permission to divorce only makes sense if the permission to remarry comes with it (or it would be permission to separate, IMO). God’s opinion is what matters, not that disapproving pastor(s).
Thank you!
Gabe, Jesus’ teaching on remarriage does seem to make an exception for the case where an unfaithful spouse is involved – “Anyone who divorces his wife, ***except for immorality***, and marries another …. Matthew 19:9. It seems to me the fact your first wife was arranging hook ups is a case where this exception would definitely apply. May God grant you peace.
Thanks Scott and peace to you too! I’m Thankful for second chances. God is so good to us.. life can be confusing at times.