Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
-Matthew 5:23-24, NKJV
These two verse uttered by Jesus are why I doubt God finds cheaters acceptable without those cheaters dealing with their sin in repentance.
Jesus does not tell his listeners to not worry about their sin. He does not teach them to view it as only a matter between them and God.
NO!
Jesus insists members of God’s family deal with the relationship they broke before participating in religious ritual. He makes it clear that the wrongdoer has to do more than simply ask God for forgiveness.
Leaving a sacrifice at the altar does not suffice in Jesus’ book.
So, I highly doubt God treats any cheater as forgiven who is unwilling to acknowledge his or her wrongdoing to their victim. That just does not seem to be a possibility as I read these two verses.
Now, I understand that circumstances do not always allow for us to make up with the brother or sister we have wronged. I think God knows that and is merciful in such circumstances.
However, when you are able to confess sin to the offended party and repent yet refuse to do so, that is a very different matter altogether.
Jesus clearly is telling us that God is not fooled by religious behavior of such an individual. It is not good enough.
They are called to make the effort to make the relationship right that they harmed by their wrongdoing. That is Jesus’ expectation. It should be ours as well.
It’s been over 5 years since my DDay.
X is immersed in his new life. Thankfully he has nothing to do with the kids unless it’s a wedding or graduation.
Someday when he feels enough time has passed, I expect him to say that he’s sorry & that he made a mistake ____ years ago. He’ll expect to be forgiven & in everyone’s good graces without any repentance ever taking place because “it” happened ____ years ago & we all need to just forgive & accept him & his wife-tress.
And that would NOT be repentance, IMO.
My cheater, when prophetically confronted with their abysmal treatment of me… kicked me out. That’s not repentance – that’s just more avoidance. It’s galling.
Ex is involved in organising a Christian conference (e.g. worship planning) next month. Business as usual. Telling people that I’m an “angry person”, while continuing to dodge any accountability/ attempt at reconcilliation (Matt 18). What good fruit can come of that? What blessing?
I read a response once from one OW to another telling her to that the best way to handle her lover’s STBX or X was to make sure to always appear to be the better person. Repentance is not on their agenda. Image control & blameshifting is their plan of action.
After going through this whole ordeal of betrayal, soul rape and PTS, I know that it cannot be too difficult for the guilty parties to “appear” to be
more stable, friendlier, better people.
Their lives haven’t been torn apart and they are not concerned about how their children are going to respond/react to the family turmoil.
All they care about is themselves & image control.
One of the reasons X gave for not desiring reconciliation was because I was so angry after Dday. Although when confronted, he did reluctantly admit that I did have reason to be upset. He went on to tell that person that he would still want a divorce even if he wasn’t involved with the current ow (now wife) because he had hurt me too.
True Repentance and Reconciliation is too much work. As always it’s easier for them to blame us, let us deal with the mess & clean up. When enough time has passed and they’ve followed their sin to completion, I expect him to ask forgiveness for his past mistakes and expect the kids he abandoned to welcome him back and embrace his
OW/wife.