“Failures are events, NOT persons.” -Anonymous psychologist (emphasis mine)
“Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.” -Psalm 27:10, NLT
These two quotes ministered greatly to my ravaged soul during the aftermath of discovering adultery and getting divorced. The power of the statements are tied to the lies they address.
When a marriage ends, it is hard not to feel like a failure. It is hard to keep the distinction between making a failure or mistake and feeling one is a failure or mistake.
I know I felt like a failure early in the aftermath of my divorce.
And I suspect it was Satan whispering lies into my ears to steal my joy and well-being. He wanted me to believe I was a failure and thereby worthless, because I could not keep my marriage together or prevent my (ex)wife from cheating on me.
And he wanted me to own what I did not control–i.e. the ability to keep my first marriage from ending in the sucktacular way it did. While I do not see my divorce as a failure on my part now, I can see how I bought the lies and nearly accepted seeing myself as a failure.
Remember: “Failures are events, NOT persons.“ -Anonymous Psychologist (emphasis mine)
Another lie adultery, abandonment, and divorce can foster is that you will always be rejected. “No one wants you” or “No one will ever really want you” is what that lie tells you.
The verse from Psalm 27 attacks the lie head on by reminding us of God’s unwavering acceptance of us. People–even family–may come and go in our lives, but God will always want us. We are SO precious to Him! God does not make throw-away humans.
Remember:
“Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.” -Psalm 27:10, NLT
*A version of this post ran previously.
It’s hard not to feel like a failure when you consider leaving and divorcing from a long term marriage because of lots of circumstantial evidence that looked like an affair but was denied. There is no proof now it’s going on still but you’ve been torn up the last year.
Sorry to hear that. I am not writing this to invalidate the feelings. The feelings are real. I experienced them as well. But the message they are sending–“You’re a failure”–is a lie. Whatever took place, you were true and faithful. If a failure exists, it is owned by the cheater, not the faithful spouse.
Thank you for this post. Exactly how I was feeling, and exactly the encouragement I needed to hear.
You are most welcome! I am glad it ministered to you.