“I’m concerned that you will hold this [affair] over my head forever if I stay,” Cheater declares.
A cheater who makes such a statement is still more concerned about themselves than the trauma they inflicted on their spouse by cheating.
The statement really is revealing. Such a cheater still believes it is about their wishes and comfort. They are likely not truly repentant.
Notice how such a statement is utterly dismissive of how a faithful spouse will always be wondering if the cheater is cheating again.
The faithful spouse doesn’t just get to forget about that. It is seared into their lizard brain due to the cheater exploiting their trust. A repentant cheater understands this.
The truly repentant cheater understands the trauma they inflicted on their spouse might arise again, unbidden, by the faithful spouse. They do not suggest deficiency in the spiritual journey of their victim because of this.
Of course, what a cheater really is really saying is that they do not want to be held accountable for their sins. It is a bore. Plus, they don’t like living in such a state of humility true repentance requires of them.
Cheaters usually are humility adverse.
If you ever hear a line from a cheater expressing misgivings about your ability to truly forgive them, that is a neon sign that divorce might be the best of the bad options left. They are trying to make it about YOUR performance rather than THEIR rightful repentance. Sadly, the cheater voicing such a concern about you forgiving them is far from repentant.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
Heard this one almost word for word. They try reverse the victim/abuser by making it about your supposed lack of forgiveness instead of their abuse.
Don’t buy it.