Comment:

Thank you for your blog – it has been so encouraging to me as a Christian walking through the pain of what appears to be an impending divorce following my unrepentant husband’s adultery. I was wondering what the Bible suggests about remarriage in such cases (I have been taught the traditional viewpoint that any marriage following divorce – even per adultery- is itself adultery). Any thoughts you have would be welcome.

Thanks.

-Arny

Dear Arny,

My guess is that you have received teaching taking in only part of the biblical counsel on this important issue. For example, remarriage would be prohibited in all cases following divorce if you only read Jesus in Mark 10:11-12. This is not the only place where Jesus talks about divorce, though.

In Matthew 19:9, Jesus talks about how remarriage following divorce is adultery unless someone remarries following the sexual infidelity of one’s former spouse. The implication being that such remarriage is NOT adultery in such exceptional cases.

We need to read the Bible in its entirety to get a non-distorted picture on this issue. As followers of Christ, we are His sheep and can discern His voice (see John 10).

In general, is a prohibition against remarriage for a victim of adultery in accordance with God’s voice, which is full of love and mercy towards the abused?

I think not.

What disturbs me about pastors pushing the non-remarriage stance for faithful parties is how this is inconsistent with God’s voice. They should know better from that alone (in addition to what seems very clear in Matthew 19:9).

Whenever the Old Testament is more merciful to adultery victims than New Testament interpretations, I suspect the error lies in the New Testament interpretation.

These same folks probably have no problem with widows or widowers remarrying. However, this is precisely what adultery victims would be according to the Mosaic Law (e.g. Deuteronomy 22:22). The only difference today is that we do not stone to death adulterous parties (thankfully).

In other words, we have extended mercy to the offender at the cost of taking away the freedom and mercy towards their victim under the no remarriage stance. This seems contrary to how my God works.

Finally, I do not understand the disconnect teachers have about allowing divorce but not allowing remarriage. If divorce is allowed, then that means the person is legally allowed to remarry. That is the point of divorce!

It is more consistent to deny all divorces than to allow some and then essentially tell the divorce faithful party that they must continue to live as if they are married. This is nonsense and cruel.

Those are the reasons I reject the idea that God calls remarriage adutery following divorce from a cheater.

Blessings,

Pastor David (aka Divorce Minister)

PS My thoughts and arguments are influenced or drawn from Derek Prince’s God is a Matchmaker (I disagree strongly with significant parts of this book, by the way) and Richard Hays’ The Moral Vision of the New Testament.