It was a hug.

“Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band

It wasn’t a kiss.

It was a hug.

We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him. Still denying adultery.

But she wanted a hug.

I gave it to her.

She showed no emotion.

It broke my heart.

I hastened away to the refuge of my car. Tears about to stream down my face. In my heart, I knew that was the last time we would ever touch.

And I was right.

This song from the Zac Brown Band evokes that memory. But that is not all…

It is a reminder:

People leave. Nothing you can really do to change that.

Now, I doubt my ex figured out what she really wanted. And I am certainly not pinning away for her today as the singer does his ex. You see, Mrs. DM is quite an upgrade 😉

But I share this story to point back to this nugget of wisdom.

To put it Biblically:

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. – I Corinthians 7:15, KJV

Let them go.

It will save you a lot of grief from trying to control something you do not control–i.e. another person’s choices. I know. I speak from personal experience by not taking this advice early enough.

You do not have the power to force them to stay.

Live in peace.

The song writer was right on that note.

6 thoughts on “It was a hug.”

  1. Dear DM…did your ex ever stop denying her involvement with the other man? Did she ever own up to her actions and/or apologize? My ex has never taken responsibility or shown remorse for his serial cheating (rather gave excuses and blaming), so I never felt we ended the marriage with any sort of closure or understanding – just forced acceptance in order to move on.

    1. kyoko,

      I have a mountain of evidence. One piece was that she did admit in writing–months after denying it and months after the episode described in this post–to being sexually active with the OM. There will always be parts faithful spouses will never know…as I write elsewhere, sometimes we just have to move on or like you say here end by “just forced acceptance.” We’ve seen enough of their (lack of) character to make the call, in other words.

    1. Love Ya, Feisty Pants!!!!! Living up to your ‘name’! BETTER than an upgrade!

    2. You go girl! 🙂
      Thank you both for all you are doing. It makes a difference!

  3. Amen Amen DM. My when ever to be ex still behaves as if he has done nothing wrong; but interestingly has moved to the next town where no one knows the two of them. They live together openly. A married man living openly with someone else.

    Hindsight IS 20/20. You get out of the swamp and you see the evidence more clearly – especially the lack of character. What provides a lot of peace is that once you’ve undergone ” forced accepted” – the freedom of not being associated with things you yourself would never do, has been wonderful. See, now the OW is affiliated with all of his choices. And for me – his choices are not Godly, so I appreciate that as painful as it was – I no longer have to cringe.

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