“Goodbye in her eyes” by Zac Brown Band
It wasn’t a kiss.
It was a hug.
We had just finished our dentist appointments. She had forgotten that she had made joint appointments. I had already confronted her about the Other Man about two weeks prior. She was still lying about him and still denying adultery.
But she wanted a hug.
I gave it to her.
She showed no emotion.
It broke my heart.
I hastened away to the refuge of my car tears about to stream down my face. In my heart, I knew that was the last time we would ever touch.
And I was right.
This song from the Zac Brown Band evokes that memory. But that is not all…
It is a reminder:
People leave. Nothing you can do to change that.
Now, I doubt my ex figured out what she really wanted. And I am certainly not pinning away for her today as the singer does his ex. You see, Mrs. DM is quite an upgrade š
But I share this story to point back to this nugget of wisdom.
To put it Biblically:
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.Ā
– I Corinthians 7:15, KJV
Let them go.
It will save you a lot of grief from trying to control something you do not control–i.e. another person’s choices. I know. I speak from personal experience byĀ notĀ taking this advice early enough.
You do not have the power to force them to stay.
Live in peace.
The song writer was right on that note.
*A version of this post ran previously.
DM,
Iām happy for you that you met another woman, even an āupgradeā Ha! But, itās still tough to leave the past behind and move on when the loneliness is as thick as fog and like a weight around your neck. I talk to God every day. That helps because, for the life of me, I donāt know how anyone can go a day without prayer and talking with God. What makes the loneliness worse is knowing my ex is out there with another man every day, not lonely. Iāve been alone in my life before, but it never hurt this bad. I was a happy single man and just hoping that Iād meet someone. This is crushing and I hope I get through it soon. Thanks for all your posts. They help a lot of folks going through the same things. God bless!
TNT
Todd,
Loneliness is hard. I don’t have any magic sauce to make that aspect of the experience better. However, I think it does get better as we invest in ourselves and invest in our friendships that are worthy of such investment.
Also, I wouldn’t spend so much emotional energy envying the cheater. They are bringing their disordered self to any relationship they engage in. Being single is preferable to that circus of pain, IMO.
Blessings,
DM
DM,
I do believe what you said. As hard as it is, Iād rather be alone the rest of my life than to have their relationship. Itās all based on a foundation of adultery, lies, and deceit. I couldnāt look in the mirror with that relationship. Thanks again and God bless!
TNT