One of my most important and hardest lessons that I teach is…
You only control you.
I think it is a common impulse to seek to warn others about your ex. This is especially true–I think–if they are in the helping professions where people are vulnerable to them.
The impulse to do this–at least for me–probably was born from two sources:
1. A desire for justice–i.e. they shouldn’t be able to continue working as if their abusive behavior has no impact on it.
2. A desire to genuinely protect others from their disordered selves.
My experience over time is healing helps dampen this impulse. Ultimately, I return to the lesson stated above–I only control me.
When I gave her over to God in forgiveness (as far as I could go on this as she has not taken responsibility for her sins as far as I know), I let go of outcomes for her. She is God’s mess to handle. Not mine.
We cannot control what our Cheater does. As much as we’d love to protect others from them, that is NOT our job. We have to let go of that as well.
