For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.
-Luke 8:17, NIV
Discovering infidelity is disorienting.
What a faithful spouse needs are clear heads. What a faithful spouse does NOT need is someone feeding their disbelief over the cheating.
An innocent explanation of hundreds of texts exchanged between one’s spouse and a potential romantic interest at 1 AM in the morning is unlikely to exist.
Faithful spouses are generally disposed to assume the best of their spouse. We do NOT want to believe our spouse would risk our well-being lying and cheating on us for months, if not years!
This is another reason to BELIEVE a faithful spouse when he or she comes to the conclusion from the evidence that they are married to a cheater.
It is incredibly frustrating and maddening trying to convince others of the infidelity when the evidence is truly obvious. And we DO need someone to actually believe us if we are to heal and “move on.”
Reality–including this awful reality–needs validation. We need validation from someone that we aren’t crazy but have come to a rational conclusion about our spouse’s illicit activity.
I am thankful for those who did that for me. The no-nonsense assessment of my cheater’s behavior was what I needed to start the journey from being played to claiming a new and better life.
“Faithful spouses are generally disposed to assume the best of their spouse.”
This was used against me when I discovered my wife’s adultery. I was accused of “knowing” and not caring when I said that I had some suspicions but assumed the best of my wife. Talk about a “Catch-22”. Somehow she was less culpable because I operated in good faith.
What color is the sky in the adulterers world?
Yeah, somehow having suspicions is the same as giving permission. Funny how that DOESN’T work for criminals talking to judges.
In my experience, my unfaithful fiance’s friends (many were our mutual friends) covered for her cheating activities. It took a brick to the side of my head to realize what was happening, and to this day I have no idea how long her cheating was going on – I suspect for quite awhile as I review her behavioural patterns in my mind’s eye. I really needed somebody to clue me in early in the game, but not a one stepped up. Needless to say, no one in that crowd is my friend today.