If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable.
-Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be aimed at the sin of adultery plus deceit and not the victims of said sins.
-I would expose “The Shared Responsibility Lie.” No student would leave the class without grasping how irresponsible and cruel blaming the faithful spouse for the cheater’s actions is.
-Plus, I would point out how adultery is soul rape. My hope in illuminating this spiritual truth would be to engender empathy and understanding for adultery victims. Being cheated on is a horrible soul trauma.
-Another lecture would be upon learning about grief and how pushing “forgiveness” too early is harmful. Basic commonsense says primary spiritual care for a rape victim is not to pressure her to forgive her rapists. The same thing goes for soul rape victims.
-Next, I would talk about cheater tactics and the need for true repentance for godly reconciliation. Pastors–in my experience–often are too naive on these matters. And cheaters are refined manipulators and con-artists.
If you are going to shepherd the sheep, you need to recognize when the wolves are feasting on your flock.
So much more I probably would cover, but those would be the major themes/lessons. Such is class is sorely needed, in my opinion, from people who are not bowing down society’s cheating permissiveness.
Adultery needs to be taken seriously!
Go for it! 🙂
One thing I am thankful for with my divorce from an adulterer is that I know that I have Biblical grounds for it.
I’m struggling right now because I have a work colleague who is preparing to divorce her husband because he has continued to put drinking & his drinking buddies above her & their preadolescent child despite all her efforts to “help him” stop the destructive behaviors. She doesn’t think adultery is one of his vices.
Are their words of wisdom I can pass on to her?
Yes, this is a trickier situation. I consider this a grey area. My personal opinion would be to treat her situation as a case of abandonment (see I Corinthians 7:15). The addiction to alcohol means he has left her for “the bottle” so to speak. However, I would not presume to push divorce upon her. She would need to have peace about it herself. However, that is how I would apply Scripture from my perspective on her situation.
Thanks.
I am probably the only one there not supporting the divorce idea.
I’ve been leaning towards encouraging her to continue with the tough love. If home is not safe, perhaps she could file for a legal separation with her pursuing full custody of their child.
Nyra, is she involved with Al Anon?
It is really important that she gets help with her spouse’s addiction. Al Anon will help her sort out her alternatives and support her choice. My church sponsors a number of thses groups.
Good suggestion, Loren!
Thanks Loren!
I’ll definitely ask her!
Amen to everything you said here. I totally agree that adultery is soul rape. I felt violated but dirty at thw same time when I learned of STBX’s multiple infidelities.
Why don’t you start youtube videos teaching and raising awareness of the seriousness of adultery. Adultery is so common and widely tolerated (sometimes celebrated as true love and finding happiness) people don’t think twice about the betrayed spouse unless they thenselves experienced the excruciating pain of infidelity.