After learning about the cheating, it is imperative to be assertive. This is why anger is helpful.

I struggled with this one, honestly. The fear of the future and wishing to avoid divorce at all costs–initially–led me to make mistakes.

The advice out there for Christians–especially–is generally unhelpful with this. It has a tendency to demonize anger–even righteous anger. Then it hits you with false-forgiveness imperatives.

One thing to keep in mind is adultery is abuse.

Even if it is only to the “voice in your head,” this reminder will help cut through the messages pushing you towards passivity and acceptance of such abuse.

You do not “deserve” to be abused. No one does.

You did not cause your abuse. Not even in part.

The problem is the abuse.

I know it is hard to be assertive after taking the soul-blow of discovering your spouse is cheating. That said, I hope this post will help you hold your space during such disorienting times.