A few days ago, a vigilant reader of the blog sent me the name of a psychologist, Omar Minwalla, Psy.D., who takes adultery seriously. It was refreshing to read his work (see link here) and hear him speak (see link here) on the subject of caring for faithful spouses. While I have no idea of his faith background, I appreciate his work that very much aligns with the spiritual truth that adultery is soul rape.
I hope his tribe increases in the field of psychology.
A little framing, Dr. Omar tackles this issue as a profesional who has worked with sex addicts and their spouses. While I am not taking a stand here on sexual addiction (e.g. real, not real, etc.), I am saying what he learned in talking with the faithful spouses (i.e. spouses of sex addicts) fits with the spiritual truth I teach on this blog. He calls his model of care the Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma Model (see link here).
I am glad to learn of a secular psychologist willing to be counted as someone who advocates for compentent, professional care for survivors of adultery. While he is facing an uphill battle in his professional field to accept his teachings/findings (not unlike I sometimes experience in my own), I am thankful he is willing to take the heat in order to help turn the tide against what is all too often abusive “care” of faithful spouses.*
*By the way, the interview he does as a podcast for The West Coast Trauma Project is an especially good one to hear. I link to it above or you can listen to it here.
I’ve listened and read Dr. Omar Minwalla’s thoughts and giant actions to help spouses. He gets it! He got it the first session he had with spouses. God bless him and his work!
Dear DM
I believe Minwalla really has helped light the charge for many of us to lift our voices and speak out about the REAL cost of emotional and sexual deceit – upon unaware victims and families. This is a human rights issue.
As for the therapy field? Think of a situation of the unaware betrayed spouse who come’s into a therapy session with a cheating partner. The therapist may even know their partner/ client acts out sexually with multiple partners. However due to “Client Privileges” says nothing. How can there be no duty to warn unaware partners of STD’S?
I can not help but think about this recent Ashley Madison Scandal and even Bill Cosby’s as a poster child sociopath. Our beloved Mr. Morality. I only pray the truth keeps comes forward. So that our entire culture becomes more aware of the shattering damage being done by secrets, lies and narcissism. Where individuals deem themselves privileged to hold unaware partners hostage to their private secret agenda. There is an undeniable darker side to human behavior which is willfully ignored.
Thank you bless you for this recent blog and for all your work and thoughts.
With great respect
v
Thank you for this. It actually came in handy today while chatting with my pastor.
I’m a recent victim of my husbands secretive sexual activities. Already I can see there is a severe lack in appropriate care and treatment available to me. My psychologist won’t even acknowledge that I have been traumatised. It is all about me working on becoming more confident and not doubting myself. Anyway, I am half way through my psychology degree, and I am keen to work towards being able to help others in this situation in the future, with no bullshit advice and treatment. Thank you for the links, and for being able to see through the dysfunctional way society treats victims of trauma.
Welcome to DM, Julie-Anne! My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you need to find another psychologist. It is hard, if not impossible, to treat something that one is minimizing and denying exists. That said, I am glad you made your way here. May you find healing and support as you navigate your way through the mess left by your husband’s infidelity.