Pastors, let us strike “divorce” from our list of social ills and vices!
Before going through a divorce myself, I probably never would have understood the importance of this simple move. I was not sensitized to the subtle shaming messages such inclusion sends.
What I have noticed is how pastors and other Christian leaders will more frequently cite divorce than adultery in a list of social ills.
I fail to come up with ANY vice list from the New Testament that does the same. Think about it!
Jesus did not list divorce in the same breath as a long list of sins. Why are we?!
What I find especially egregious about this insensitivity is how the Bible is very clearly and repeatedly condemns adultery yet adultery rarely makes those society destroying sin lists.
Condemning divorce is like condemning amputation. The focus is in the wrong place and serves to shame the survivors.
Of course, no one in their right mind seeks out an amputation. However, sometimes it is necessary to deal with a serious disease.
Wise medical professionals do not rail against amputation. Rather, they focus their fire on the diseases that lead them to take such drastic measures to save lives.
The same thing out to apply to how spiritual care professionals view divorce:
Let’s stop railing against something that is life-saving for some and focus on the disease like adultery leading to taking such a drastic step.
Excellent analogy!
Faithful spouses are so often blamed for the “sin of divorce” one way or another; while the sin of adultery is quickly excused,/”forgiven”, or blamed on something/someone else.
Not holding adulterers accountable is destructive on so many levels. They are rarely encouraged to repent, but others are condemned for “judging them” if they hold them accountable. Children & ex-spouses are accused of being bitter & unforgiving if they choose to go no contact (shake unrepentant adulterer from sandals) even though children are told to honor father & mother IN THE LORD. If a parent is not in the Lord, should children be expected to honor them?
One pastor told me that Jesus paid the price for sin & that expecting adulterers to show signs of repentance was like asking them to pay for their sin all over again!
Am I missing something or is obedience & repentance no longer necessary for followers of Christ?
So, repentance is paying for our sins? I thought repentance was all about forsaking our sins, which is required for salvation (see I John 3:6).
Same here!
This is one reason why your ministry is so important. Faithful spouses need true biblical guidance & encouragement!
I appreciate your service & Im certain you’ll be ministering to more of us in the coming year!
God’s blessings to you & yours!
I’ve come to your site off and on, and I have found it to be such a rare jewel, and a breath of fresh air to me. Yes, I’m another faithful and betrayed spouse who is now divorced. What is it that causes most in the Church to do as is described in this article? I honestly see more people in my ex-denomination SHUN a person who has a beer now and then, more than they do an adulterer. Not kidding (and I’m not saying drunkenness and stumbling blocks aren’t sins either..not my point). I understand it can be tricky to know when to embrace an adulterer when they cry when caught and say they have repented, but haven’t devoted the time, effort, or hard work yet to show any fruit of their repentance. It is, indeed, sometimes hard to know…but with Prayer, we usually can discern it. Aside from that, most commonly, we see unrepentant adultery as a wonderful opportunity to nurture and coddle this sinner, all the while doing just what this article says to the betrayed spouse and family. My question is why? Is it based in fear? Bad doctrine? Why such a commonplace hypocrisy? Have you written an article that explores the why? I’d love to get your wisdom on it.