When dealing with a cheater who has lived a double life for months (or years), sometimes the iceberg is a huge one.
You may only know a very little of what the cheater actually did. That was enough to sink the marriage.
Sometimes, I believe, God spares us the pain of learning all the cheating details. He just releases us from the marriage to a cheater who has become incapable of honesty with us.
That is a great mercy.
All we need to know is that we have hit the “Cheating Iceberg” and the marriage ship is going down with an irreparable hole in its hull.
So true. I’ve been really depressed, remembering some things that I naively overlooked when the bells and whistles were practically screaming at me. I’ve started to wonder, “what else do I not know??” as I remember some awful things (for example, he carried a condom in his wallet even though I was a stay-at-home wife and mom). He swore up and down that he never physically cheated, but I know he is a slick liar. I’ve been beating myself up over it the past few weeks. I KNOW I should just let it all go but it has been terribly difficult.
That is the grief talking. When it is fresh–like any traumatic loss–it is hard to let go of the feelings. My point is that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself like a good friend in this time. You are allowed to feel what you feel.
I have been divorced two weeks officially now. I spent 3 1/2 years in the reconcile game. It was a horrific journey.
As of late, my honed intuition has kicked in and I fear she may have been cheating on our marriage for years. I now fear new info. coming, by way of others coming forward. Part of me wants to go looking so I can grieve it all now not later. I am so tired.
That is normal. When my divorce was fresh, I was still invested in knowing more. It takes time to get to a place where enough is enough as far as knowing what they did.