The “Unmet Needs” Theory Lie:
Put succinctly…
…teaches faithful spouses that their deficiencies at home is what drove the adulterous spouse to cheat.
The faithful spouse was not sexually available enough. The faithful spouse was not emotionally adept and engaged enough. You know the drill.
I have heard in horror how even pastors operate under this assumption about causation. They think “unmet needs” is the reason adulterous spouses cheat.
And pastors should know better!
People go with so called “needs” unmet all the time and do not engage in the morally bankrupt behavior of committing adultery. So, this begs the question:
What is the difference between those who do not cheat and those who DO cheat under “unmet needs” situations?
Character.
That is the difference.
The faithful spouse knows that “unmet needs” is not an excuse to violate their vows and thereby surrender their integrity. Cheaters lack this moral fortitude.
I grow tired of others (and pastors in particular) accepting the “unmet needs” theory lie for why people cheat. It seems like the accepted worldly wisdom of the age.
As long as pastors look at the marriage circumstances, they are impotent to fix what is really wrong:
The absence of godly character in the cheater.
Jesus is clear about the origins of sin like adultery. And he did not point to “unmet needs.” Jesus calls out the wickedness in the sinner’s heart as the cause (e.g. Mark 7:21-23).
“The Unmet Needs Theory of Infidelity Causation” is a wicked lie.
I do not recommend basing the direction of one’s life on a lie. That is not the path of true followers of Christ.
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*A version of this post ran previously. It is frustrating how this lie endures among people calling themselves Christians. Well, changing that begins by exposing it for the lie it is.
