When Peter saw him [John], he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
– John 21:21-22, NIV
It is understandable.
You have been soul raped and your world has been turned upside down by your partner’s selfish, sinful choices. It does not seem fair that they seem to be able to walk away from all of that. Maybe you even envy their new life. Where’s the justice?
I get it.
Been there.
Done that.
But I want to share something to remind you of what you do have and the adulterous spouse does not.
You have your personal integrity intact.
That is valuable.
They cannot run from themselves. Wherever they go, they will still be the one that chose to break the most solemn of human vows and covenants. They will always be the ones with the compromised integrity.
Repentance is the only way to fix that problem.
Running and denying might work for a while for them regarding what they did. Maybe they will make it a lifetime before the Reckoning. But do not be deceived…God will judge them for such sins (e.g. Hebrews 10:26-17 and 13:4).
But I do not think it will take that long.
Character has a way of showing itself…or lack thereof.
Today, I have a different perspective on my cheating ex.
I no longer envy her.
It is more pity than anything when I do think of her.
Who would choose to live a lie with such heavy sin still weighing on one’s heart?
Make no mistake…that is exactly what is happening when an adulterous spouse does not repent.
You either must live in misery trying to believe a lie about how the marriage ended, or you live as a sociopath cutting off your soul from human connection. Either way, it is a dehumanizing existence even if the facade of life looks good from the outside.
No, I do not envy the unrepentant adulterous spouse or ex-spouse.
They do not have their integrity intact.
Yet that is beside the point for faithful spouses. Why waste our energies on someone who is no longer our concern? They are God’s problem now.
Like Jesus telling Peter regarding John, we need to stop worrying about them. We need to be about God’s call on our own lives.
Get busy living.
Do not worry about the adulterous spouse or ex. God designed us to need integrity. They cannot escape that, and they cannot escape God. So, don’t worry about them.
Don’t build a “smiting shelter.“
Get busy living into your own destiny!
*A version of this post ran previously.
I have been married for 37 years to my Love of my life My husband left me for his drug addiction, But come to find out He was cheating on me with his cousins wife A devout Catholic My husband and I belong ed to a Christian church. Known our pastor for over 11 years. I am broke,hurt devastated. Lost I did get a legal separation Because I was afraid of him ruining my credit. But it was to late. But its been three years. And I still feel so alone. N hurt. Divorce never crossed my mind.
Rebecca,
My heart goes out to you. That is so much to loose (and grieve)!
Obviously, divorce is an option in your situation as he was unfaithful on top of caught in a drug addiction. That said, you need to be at peace with going for it or staying in your current state. It does not sound like your current situation is serving you well. Reading your comment, you sound like you are stuck in an awful state of limbo.
Remember that the beloved husband of 37 years is a fiction. He violated your soul with his cousin’s wife! Do you really want to stay married to a person who lied and soul raped you? The choice is up to you. Divorce allows you to start again minus an abusive cheater.
-Pastor David